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2005-04-19 08:41:00 (UTC)


well today was monday. everything went pretty good. i had
a decent day, as far as my mood went. kevin was great all
day. he seems to be understanding that if he wants me, he
cant just keep me on hold until he gets ready for me. if
he wants me, he gets me now, or never. thats the way it
goes, im not gonna wait for anybody. and i think he
realizes that, and he has come around now. so i did my job
hehe. i guess im gonna get another tattoo on my birthday.
my sister and her husband said that they would finally get
one if i went with them. they have been sayin they wanted
one ever since they both were still in highschool, and
they are both now in there mid twenties hehe. so i think
its about time they quit talkin themselves out of it. if
they really want one i mean. oh tonight i went and laid in
my cousin's tannin bed. i decided a little color wont hurt
me. i am pretty pasty. so i guess pay day im gonna go get
me some tannin oil stuff if i can afford it. they cost too
much i think. and i have been lookin at some appartments
in town. i love my momma to death, but i have got to get
out of her house. we are drivin each other crazy. ya know
what i mean? she is constantly tryin to tell me how to
raise my own daughter. i mean goodness, i know she raised
two by herself, but i need to do this, by myself. or at
least, i mean i appreciate help, but i want it just to be
help, not her doin everything and me helpin her, know what
i mean? its like she has taken over my daughter, and im
just the babysitter sometimes. it is drivin me crazy,
thats all i know. i am gonna get up early tomorrow and go
to the doctor for my nerves. i went online and looked up
depression, and i found this list of symptoms and stuff.
every single one applied to me. majorly. so i really think
thats the deal. and i mean, right now, things seem to be
goin good, but any second my mood will change and i will
get right back into self destruct mode and be in that dark
abyss again. its always been like that. i know im gonna
have to start taking something for it. i hate to though. i
mean my goodness, im not even 21 yet, and im gonna be on
an anti depressant pill? that is soo sad. but anyways, i
guess i better go. i need to get some sleep if i wanna get
up early tomorrow and get everything straightened out.
cause i also wanna go ahead and go take that ged pre test
thangie at the learning center so they can let me take the
actual ged test. then i can go to the college in town and
my work will pay for it! yippie! finally! hehe. well gotta

**treat everyone with kindness, generosity, and
compassion, because you never know if who is just an angel
sent to make sure your doing your best**

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