I Don't Know
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2005-04-19 02:58:14 (UTC)

Yeah yeah yeah...

Well, lets see, not much just a bunch of school junk going
on. Got papers, projects, and finals all coming up next
week. Oh boy... I'm so not ready for any of this at all.
That and not ready for summer either. And of course, never
ready for life. I still have no clue what to do with
myself. Sigh. But I don't wanna think about any of this
stuff now, lets get to something else.

I just recently found out that I might have an insulin
problem. See, I've been kinda sick lately, headaches,
chest pain, coughing, fun stuff. So I went to the school
nurse and we were talking about it, and she said it was
probably stress, which is probably true. Then she looked
me over, comented on my oily hair and said I need a new
shampoo, which by the way I tried to find a shampoo that
had something for oily hair, but couldn't, and then she
noticed something on my neck. She moved my hair out of the
way and asked if I had diabetes in my family, since of
course my papers say nothing about me having it, yet. So I
told her yeah, I did. My father, two aunts, and
grandmother had it. My mother had even called me the weed
before saying she might be diabetic and would be going to
the doctor for a check up. I haven't heard anything else
yet from her, but anynways, back to the mark on my neck.
Seems that I have this what looks like rope mark on the
back of my neck, and that people with insulin problems
have it. So, since diabetes runs deep in my family, I'm a
little worried. I have every right to be too, since I
don't exactly eat right. I eat a lot of junk food, and a
lot of food in general. I could stand to loose about 20
pounds I say. Blah. But I hate diets and watching stuff
like that. Makes me feel girly and junk. But yeah, looks
like I'm gonna have to start doing that anyways. Oh well.
At least I'll be healthier, maybe. But crap, I'm gonna
miss my ramen, rice, potatoes, and candy! Cry.

Wow, I got really off track with my train of thought. I
got busy with talking to people in the lab, answering a
phone call, and writing an e-mail. Just kinda stuck stuff
together in that last paragraph about my new food problem.
Blah. Eh, but now what... Blah...

Well, I could think of some stuff, but I think I want to
head back to my room and get to work on some stuff. I've
got plenty to do, and I really don't want to sit here and
thing about more things to worry about. I'm really sick of
being nervous about everything. That is one part of me
that I wish I could just get rid of. I'm always afraid of
everything it seems, and I really really wish I could
change. I try, but still, it seems like nothing changes.
I'll just leave it here for now. Next time I'll try to
talk about guys and their hair, and more guys. Oo;

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