plaCEbo

Sheilding versus Unsheilding
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2005-04-18 03:34:00 (UTC)

another long december...

i think the most time i spent typing away on this
screen...is when something heavy rests upon my soul and i
feel like there's no escape...
i'm worrisome beyond what i have ever been. my job sucks,
i can't find another one b/c i'm OBVIOUSLY looking in the
WRONG places, gases is expensive, i feel out of place and
lefto ut in my own home, and my bf keeps calling me dumb
and stupid after i told him several times that i don't like
being called that. he's stressing out over school stuff
JUST AS I DID NOT TOO LONG AGO BUT I MANGAGED TO GET
THROUGH IT WITHOUT COMPLETELY BLOWING HIM OFF!!

i don't get me sometimes! one second i'm floating through a
week and everything seems to go miserably as i plan it to,
then the next week i'm don't understand why everyone speeds
past me when i drive over the speed limit in the slow
lane!!! that didn't make any sense. i just want out! i
want to find a considerably decent , well-paying job, move
out of my parents' house, go to school and study fashion
photography, and own a small 2 story house brick house with
a basement and a balcolny on the 2nd story of the front
side of the house and a small porch outlooking some sort
of water with a vast yard with large sad oak trees sprawled
all about and a garden of vegetables that i don't like. is
that tooo much to ask for?!!!! is it???!!! it must be
because i can't even see it ever becoming part of my dreams
in this forsaken town!!! i enjoy it here but i'm ready to
move on and grow!! i don't like being held back from my
excelleration ...which i spelled incorrectly! i'm holding
myself back in a way but i'm working on it! i'm going to
get out of this deep dark black hole if it kills me !!! i
want to see the light! i want to see myself as happy! i
know my soul use to smile and i want that back... i want my
soul to smile back .....
--psycho


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