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2005-04-17 17:40:09 (UTC)

i think im STRESSIN dehh

hey guys.. whats up n2m.. i had a blast last night it was
fun.. at the riverlot. i just didnt want to take caitlin
home so early it really sucked. i wish there was a way 2
get her mom to let her stay out longer. i mean shes 14 she
sould be aloud 2 stay out until 11.. and stuff it sucks.
oh well. what would be really cool is if we can spend the
night there some time that would be the shit right there.
maybe this summer when it gets warmer.. steve was gunna
spend the night there last night but he said he got cold
and came home. i believe him it was cold last night!!

im gunna get a riverlot one day.. and instead of havin a
camper or a trailer im gunna get a old school bus and pimp
it out and use that for a place to stay at that would be

i think im feelin the signs of stress again. i need to
talk 2 caitlin about it i guess, i told her i would start
talkin 2 her when i get this way so i dont go off like the
last time.. im not really sure what im stressed out about.
well i have a feelin i do. its what happened a few nights
ago with condom slipin off inside her. im kinda worried i
dont wanna get her preganent. shes only 14 and im 17 and
that wouldnt be good at all!! but i have a really good
feelin were going 2 be okay. and another thing im startin
2 stress out over is this freakin move. its buggin me out.
i dont wanna move at all. im scard i might lose caitlin
because of it and thats not what i want 2 happen. *dang it
i dont know why but when i think about it i get teary
eyed* im like not cryin but it like a sad thing like what
happens when u watch a good sooby movey and u start 2 tear
up kinda thing. idk . i just dont wanna lose her. i really
love her. and for some reason yesterday. i was like
fearous at steve and i dont no y. i was just really pissed
off at him. its weird. it just little thing that he does
aggetate the hell out of me and i just feel like hiting
him some time but i wouldnt do that. but still. then again
i was mad about was my speeding ticket. if i wasnt so
stupid i would of been about 2 take caitlin home and there
wouldnt be a big deal about it. cuz steve was actin like a
dick head last night gunna take cait home when her mom
called and said she had 2 be home at a certain time. it he
was cusing and shit i was gettin pissed off at him because
i dont want her mom to get all pissed off at me and say
she not aloud back up there. that would piss me the fuck

idk. caitlin wanted 2 dance last night and i didnt really
feel like it so she got steve 2 dance and she keep sayin
how he's better at it than me. and i wasnt in the mood for
hearin that. i mean come on i no i cant dance i dont need
u to rub it in my face. and im not really mad about it i
just feel like im not good enought for her. *damnit here
we go again with the teary eyes* i mean its like every
thing i do it not good enough for her. shes always putin
me down sayin i suck and shit when i skate .. its like
dehh. shut up..at least i try.. i cant change myself
anymore than i have if i do im not gunna be myself. i feel
like the only thing i good at that she like is sex.. and i
dont need that. i mean. im glad im good at it.. but i dont
wanna be used for it either. i want her 2 like me for me.
u no.. its like deh.. maybe im just over reacting. im just
getin it off my chest tho.

well im gunna go. im tired of moppin around im gunna go