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2005-04-16 14:55:21 (UTC)


here i am again. many things going in my mind now.
actually this is quite a regular thing for me - thinking.
thinking about future now.

i want to go for exchange. to US or Europe. this is my
dream. i hope it will come true when i am in year 3. i
really hope. crossing my fingers and closing my eyes so
hard now.

it will be pretty easy for me to go for some time. it will
not feel as heavy as the time when i left jakarta. this
one will be much easier. no sense of attachemnt. it will
be easy to leave.

i think i have vagabond heart. it always longs to stray,
to find something it has been missing. prolly love, prolly

i hope one day i find what i've always wanted in life. i'm
not what it is now. as time goes by, i hope that it will
be clear to me what i want.

i read an article about mid-life crisis this morning and
gosh! the description exactly suits me. i mean, i have not
been going through everything a normal person will have to
go through (get a job, marry, raise kids) but right now i
always think of 'what's next in store for me? what's my
purpose in life?'. what am i here for. what's next.

mid-life crisis comes 2 decades too early. the good thing
is after mid-life crisis, it's the beginning. means that i
will experience the beginning faster, and hopefully life
will be more meaningful by then.

still crossing my fingers and closing my eyes so hard.