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2005-04-15 20:07:06 (UTC)

Day 29

music:mest jaded, The Science Of Selling Yourself Short by
les that jake
mood:confused and mad at myself

2day has bin abit crap! im kinda fed up of fake smiles
now! sum hav bin real the las few days but then uthas r
jus fake cos i dont wan ppl 2 av 2 try an help anymore! im
jus wana tel evey1 im sorry that im so useles!! but even
that will b called atention seekin, i was nearly in tears
at lunch an wen erin saw i jus shook it off an sed i was
fine! i dont want tem 2 feel like they av 2 try wiv me cos
they all probly av worse problems! i dont want them 2 h8
me cos i need atention so im jus not lettin myself take
the atention from them! the onli ppl iv bin talkin 2 bout
this problem wiv guys is ann-marie (ur a gr8 help thx hun!
an sorry 4 dumpin it on u!) an hana 2...

well thers a big mes cos i kissed sam an am flirtin way 2
much wiv danny an i jus told mat i kissed sam...mat didnt
reli answer...til i sed plz talk 2 me, i no he wasnt jus
busy cos he was chattin 2 hana. he se he was goin an i
asked him 2 at least tel me if hes mad an he ses hes not,
but y wudnt he av jus sed that! he is an i dont think he
wants me any more but i deserve that an he didnt even tell
me bout nikki so maybe i shudnt care...its jus that im
upset i messed up agen! i deserve this cos i messed them
round...but matt didnt tel me bout nikki maybe he thinks
its diferent...ppl readin this probly reli dont think much
of me, belive me i didnt mean 2 hurt any1! i shud av fort
bout evey1 an i did but then i screwed up anyway cos i
loss the thort an screw up an i am reli sorry!

i dont even wana talk 2 ppl anymore bout this, ther tryin
2make me feel beta but they cant cos i dont like myself! i
want skool 2mora i dont want the weeknd id ratha b at
skool around the usual ppl...the thing is by monday i will
b feelin so diferent i wont b able 2 care anymore i will
jus not be thinkin! i dont like how i finkor wot i du! im
tryin 2 change but i dont think b4 i act!

im sorry ppl...im sorry! i dont want any sympathy...well
not that i expet u will try an give it me...except ann-
marie an hana that alredi did an thx u 2 but i think its
my fault maybe i shud av bin like him an jus kept it 2
myself...


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