still the same
been overcome by raging jealousy last night when he
mentioned about her. this feeling really sucks. why did he
have to ruin the lovely night. why... why can't you give
pure joy just once? why do you have to bring poison
together with your honey?
he is the only one now who could really suit me. his
thoughts, his dry humour, his care. but there is one
problem. he does not love me. and it hurts. because i
realise i don't want anything short of his love.
life's cruel. this is not fair. why should fate bring me
to him after 5 years? why should i spend so much time last
year with him? why? why can't that chapter of my life end
even before it begins? now, there is only an empty space.
A worse me. A bad-tempered me. An angry me. A bitter me.
many times i told myself that i didn't want to be with
him. that i was only intrigued by him. this battle against
my (supposed to be) real feelings is really exhausting me.
he was always on my mind last year. always. it takes
eternity to think of someone you love. i love him, still
he is the only one who can perk me up. this is not a make-
believe love. i really do love him.
it saddens me that i will never be with him. it makes life
so gloomy. i'm trapped. unable to like anyone else
seriously and can't stop loving this guy who promises no
future for us.
why can't this feeling stop. i'm too tired fighting it.
"We can only love people who don't seem to need our love."