Charles Deason

My Blue Sky
2005-04-13 22:58:06 (UTC)

...Another break...

I did everything for her and yet... she started
feeling distant from me again. It hurts so much... like
more than anything I've ever experienced. I hate feeling
this way....especially since its raining. I want to just
end it all so badly, but I can't. This is just so
I drove over a thousand miles just for her and yet she
may think its not enough... and still I told her I'm
comming to stay on may 15th of next month. :( I want to
talk to her so badly right now... I have so much to discuss
before it all ends again.... this time it may be for good.
I can't stand it!!! I've cried so hard. I really didn't see
this comming... I knew she felt different about me because
of the way she talked to me online. She stopped being her
normal happy and cheerful self.
I don't understand what God wants me to do now... I'm
really not sure. I had everything I needed... and now its
all slipping through my hands like sand. I feel my dreams
and hopes slipping away...and my happiness with them. I
never worked so hard or someone so much in my life only to
lose them in the end. I don't know what will happen after I
speak with her... all I can do is pray and never
forget...who I am. This is all I want to write about it...
I'm in so much pain I can't focus on anything anymore bye.