LibraLady

ImIn&Lost
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2005-04-13 14:30:34 (UTC)

Trusting

When your trust in someone is ruined, how do you get it
back? I've been trying for weeks now to get back to normal.
I think that I can't. I love my husband so much but after
what he's said I wonder if things will ever be the same.
Sometimes I tell myself, give him the benefit of the doubt.
He made a mistake, he's learned from it and has ask you to
forgive him. He said things he didn't mean because he
wanted to blame someone for his problems. But what if I am
the problem and he's just fooling himself into thinking
that he's wrong? I wish I knew. I just don't want this to
happen again. I want him to be happy. I just can't figure
out what I should do. He wants to start a business and I
told him, go for it. All I want is for him to take his time
and do it the right way. Is that too much to ask? If he
goes to fast he might make terrible mistakes that could
cost him his business. I don't want that to happen. If he
does it the right way it might take a couple of years to
get it off the ground, so how will he be in the mean time?
Depressed, suicidal, angry, what? It's like a constant
guessing game everyday as far as his mood goes. Like
yesterday he was in a depressed mood. He said that he had a
bad day at work. I did everything I could to cheer him up,
but nothing seemed to work. He came to me later and put his
head in my lap. I asked him if he could hear the baby yet.
He said he hears something but he don't know if it's the
baby. I asked him if he was doing any better. He said I
don't know. I asked him if he wanted to play SL, you can if
you want. He said I told you that I don't want to play it
anymore. I said ok, but you can if you want. So I ended up
falling asleep in the chair. I guess because of the
pregnancy. I felt bad when I woke up because my husband had
been sitting staring at the tv with no one to talk to. I
told him I was sorry. He looks at me like I'm crazy and
says it's no big deal. This morning his back was hurting
again. For some reason he won't get an x-ray. I wish he
would. I guess I'll email here in a little bit and offer
him a back rub tonight. I'm trying to be the good wife and
I'm trying to be forgiving but what more can I do. I keep
praying for things to get better but I'm scared that they
won't. My husband also mentioned going to florida this year
for vacation. I hope that works out. He seemed like he
wants to do it but he's not sure about finances. I look at
it as this will be our last time for awhile because of
having a newborn. Dear Lord, please let everything work
out. Let me get over my worries and learn how to trust
again. Please let my husband be telling me the truth about
wanting to stay married to me. Help him to figure out how
to be happy and get over this depression he has. Please
don't let me or my family be the cause of it. Let this
vacation work out. I think it would do all of us good.
Thank You for listening and being there for me. I know You
won't let me down no matter what happens. Amen.


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