supergoddess

This diary is my kief,hashish,&opium pip
2005-04-13 13:21:45 (UTC)

Why


I think about the nights we used to share laying on our
beds wrapped up in the covers, tired as hell but not able
to fall asleep, baraccading eachother with 'i love you's
and 'i miss you's. It may not have seemed like much to
someone else but I felt so floaty, like nothing could pull
me down.

It was definately love.

The mention of your name used to conjur up one of those
blushing I'm-trying-not-to-smile-but-I-am kindof things.
But now, the mention of you will probably just leave me
with a blank stare and a feeling of shame and depression.

Why? Because I'm a bad girlfriend.

It's true, I do never call you, but it's only because I'm
scared. Scared that the person on the other end of the line
might just not feel that way anymore.

Have my feelings changed? Well, no, they haven't. But how I
react towards those feelings, probably has. And the same
with how he reacts. And that could be the end of us.

Because I know that I love Pat, and if he was here with me
I would be overwhemingly affectionate towards him (and I'm
guessing vice versa) but he's not here, is he?

The problem is, should I risk giving up the one I love but
can't have for the one I want for a temporary fix?

Should I wait around for one person, or go live my life?

I couldn't sleep last night.

-Brittany




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