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2005-04-12 22:19:17 (UTC)

Back To The Story AKA My Life... Part 4

Alright so like I was saying, I was munchin out on chips
on the ride to go meet up with my Mom and my aunt. So
right now what is happening is that we are realizing that
there is no such place as Cameron, Kansas. Even though
Mapquest.com gave us directions on how to get there. So we
get ahold of my mom *thank god for cell phones* and shes
all like "No Sweetie, I meant Cameron, Missouri." WHAT THE
HELL~! We came all the way from Texas and now your telling
us to go to Missouri. Oh well Kansas is close to Missouri,
and that gives me more time with Juan. But did I make good
use of that time? Nope. We didnt even talk again, until we
got to the hotel.

So anyways we get to the hotel, Im waiting for my mom to
call and tell me where she is. Juan falls asleep on the
bed, Kodie is sleepin on the other bed, next to Parks who
was asleep. So I just sit up waiting for a while, get
tired as hell, fall asleep, the phone rings and wakes me
up. My mom says she'll be there in about 20 mins. So
anyways Parks woke up also, and then I laid back down on
the bed, cuz all of Kodie and my stuff was already ready.
So anyways to make a long story shorter, Parks talked me
into having one last "goodbye" in the bathroom, while Juan
and Kodie was asleep. So I did, and after that I asked him
for his Eminem cd, which he gave to me, of course he didnt
really have a choice but anyways.

The phone rings again and I go downstairs with the luggage
to put in my Aunt's trunk. I ask them if I got time to
take ashower, and they say to hurry it up. So I run in and
wash away all that nastiness, come out smelling like cheap
hotel shampoo and bar soap. I go pick up Kodie and take
him downstairs to put him in the car, I went back upstairs
even though I knew I didnt have anymore luggage, I used
Parks laptop to write a goodbye letter to Juan, basically
to tell him that if he still wanted to talk, that Id be
cool with that, and that I was sorry for jumpin to
conclusions. So I clicked the send button, signed out and
put the computer away.

I checked to make sure that Parks was asleep, which I
could tell because he was snoring like crazy. Then I went
over to Juan and looked at him, well actually I was
staring at him to see if he would wake up. He didnt. So I
leaned over and gave him a kiss on the head, our
first "kiss" and he didnt even know it. I didnt tell him
about it for a long time after that. Anyways after I
kissed his head, I went over to the doorway, and stared at
him for a few more seconds, The I took a breath and
standing at the doorway I told him that "I wish I would
have met you a different way, and I wish things were
differant and I would have told you that I wanted to be
with you. Id give anything to have one more night to talk
to you in Parks backyard." The I walked out the door.

The next thing I knew I was in my Aunts car pulling away.
I started crying. And after that all I remember is pullin
into my Grandmas driveway. It was one of those times when
it wasnt good to be "home" The next day I went to the
public library to check my emails and surprise! I got an
email from Juan. * also from KRAZONE, a guy I met online
at MTV, who I became "obsessed" with (that story will be
later)* I cant remember exactly what it said, but it was
something along the lines of "if you wanted to say bye,
you could have woke me up, but thanks for the email and
sure, we can be friends, Write me and Ill write you back."

We continued writing emails to each other, but it didnt
feel the same. Then Parks wanted to come to Iowa and get
back with me, I knew Juan and I werent going anywhere, and
if Parks was willing to come to Iowa, sure why not? So a
few days later he was in Iowa with me. Everyone knew I
didnt want to be with him, even my mom, and I think inside
he knew it too.

A few days after Parks got there we got internet at our
house, thats after we moved from my Grandmas house. Juan
and I were still sending emails back and forth. Im not
sure if Parks knew or not. One night Parks started talking
to Juan on MSN Messenger, so I got a MSN account so we
could talk on messenger at night *After Juan got home from
working with his Dad and after Parks was asleep*

We used to always make up stories, it was really funny.
One time I remember we made up a story about he was
getting deported back to Mexico *even though hes legal*
and he said that I would be happy if that happened. So
anyways in the story what happened was that he was sent to
Mexico, I went there to find him *even though I barely
knew 10 words in Spanish, including Taco* I found him adn
then in order to take him back to the United States we had
to get married. Anyways at the end of the story he told me
I could sign the divorce papers and I told him I never
would * yes, I was flirting, no I dont think he got it* :(
anyways we used to make up stories like that all the time.

After a few months Juan was "taking a shower" and left me
to talk to his brother Angel. He asked me if I liked Juan
and I was like yeah, hes cool. Then he was like nawh, do
you like him, LIKE him? At first I was like *I dont want
to say yes, cuz I know Juan is right there* but I said
yes. Why? you might ask. Well I thought about it and I was
like its a perfect oppurunity to tell Juan I like him
without telling "Juan" I like him. So if they wanted to
act like Juan didnt know what I was saying, then I would
to. that way Juan couldnt say "so you like me huh?" Cuz
otherwise how would he know if he wasnt standing right
there? So I admited it to him. Angel that is.

Anyways after that Parks and I came back down to Houston.
What I forgot to mention earlier was that on his way up to
Iowa, Parks got into a truck wreck. So he got half of his
insurance check cashed and we took off to Houston. My
thought was that we were going to go to his Mothers house
and stay there til the rest of the money came in. Nope. We
stayed in the car for about a week. The rest of it came in
and we got a hotel room. Well not really a room, it had a
small kitchen with a fridge, microwave, sink, table with
chairs, a full bathroom, couch, tv, full bed. It was
really nice there.

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