Slowly Fading
2005-04-10 16:44:48 (UTC)

NEWSFLASH: ...I was dreaming

What did I say great guy really....DONT ..exist. Me and
the guy i actually THOUGHT about having a future with
broke up but what can I say it was one big mistake I
guess.At first he was like absolutely perfect then he
ruined my first illusion when i found he totally just
misjudged me over and over (and over) again. I dont think
he ever really truly knew who i was. Im playful, upbeat, a
lil ditzy sometime i guess but still over all an ok person.
I would never hurt anyone on purpose but when i want to be
taken seriously no one does but when i joke people
misunderstand me . Its like when i said "since when is
being on a boat with 150 guys wrong" then my b.f says " it
is bad when you already have a man" and i said " that
makes it bad for you not me" yea it does sound wrong but i
didnt mean it that way. I TRUST myself and when i know i
have a great guy, other guys just DONT phaze me so 150
guys on a boat really wouldnt be a bad thing b/c i wouldnt
see them as guys just co workers. but it would be bad for
him because deep down inside i know he doesnt trust me as
much as i trust him or as much as trust myself. So we
broke up my illusions were flushed down the toilet. I
guess i already have built up such a rep that no one will
trust me or truly like me for who i REALLY am but w/e i
refuse to change for ANYONE

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