Ashley

Deception
2005-04-09 22:12:07 (UTC)

Downward Spiral

Things are just so hard right now... I'm so lonely and all
the guys that I want to be with are either far away, not
interested, or aren't single. And the ones that ARE
interested in me I have no feelings for, which makes me
feel really bad. UGH! And on top of all the boy-drama,
classes aren't going well either. Seriously, the next 3
weeks are going to kick my ass -- I'll be lucky to sleep 5
hours a night because I just have so much to do.

The only thing that I have to look forward to is my
birthday on Thursday. The big 2-0 yay! lol And that's
all I have to say about it because I'm not really even
looking forward to it. It's not like I have a boyfriend
or even any really close friends that are gonna do
anything special. I mean, I'm sure Cait and maybe Mar are
gonna do a cake or something for me, but is it really too
much to want a boy to send me flowers??? Whatever, it's
not like it's gonna happen, so I'm not even gonna sit here
and hope for it.

The highlight/rock bottom of the last few weeks happened
on Thursday. Cait and I went out with Steve from HoCro to
a house party up at TC. That was fun, but it got kinda
late so Steve brought us back to campus. Low and behold I
have an IM from a guy I used to have feelings for asking
me to come over. And you all know that I did lol At
130am he came and picked me up and at 730 Friday morning I
did the walk of shame back to my dorm to get ready for
classes.

Nothing happened, but just the thought of staying out all
night with a guy 3 years older than me, staying at his
apartment, and worrying that his girlfriend would find out
made me feel like complete shit. I mean, this guy is my
friend, and I shouldn't feel bad about spending time with
him, but if certain people knew it would probably be the
end of his relationship with his girlfriend (altho, he's
breaking up with her anyway, so I don't think it really
would be that bad... but whatever).

Anyway, Cait and I are heading to Hooters so I guess I'll
just keep you posted on the latest developments.

~Ash




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