Mia

Mia, the complainer
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2005-04-09 14:26:04 (UTC)

A Message!

Someone just sent me a message! yay! okay, so it wasn't
exactly the happiest message in the world and it was
bordering on hurtfull, but it was still really cool and
uplifting to know that people accutally read this thing!
(or maybe it's just that one person) whatever.

Drew called last night. Told me he wants to break it off
with Betsy. lol. It's kinda funny, b/c Betsy's gettin'
bored of him too, but they tell me and not each other. I
was just like "TALK TO HER."
Told me he cuts...
Not that I didn't know, but I guess everything gets so much
more real when it's said out loud. I mean, I know where
he's comming from, and god,
talking to him just made me want to slice my hip up.
I had to smack one of those little cheesy elastic hair-ties
on my wrist to keep myself from getting out my razor.
He told me he had a dream where he was walking down a dark
empty street and he pulled out a knife, carved into his
arms and just kept on walking. Walkin' and bleedin'. A
twisted ecstacy. He woke up sweating and shaking.
He told me he overdoses on pills to fall asleep.
That worries me. I know that the cutting keeps him from
killing himself, so although that sounds morally sick of
me, I don't worry too much. But pills, pills are really bad
news. It tore me open when I realized he wasn't kidding.
He's commin' over on Sunday. I hope he's okay.

I don't even want to talk about the food I consumed
yesterday. Let's just say that ana would not be proud. So
now I have to prove to her that I am worthy.
I ate a power bar when I woke up at 7:30. Then I ran 2 1/2
miles. (yay!) I think it burned that horrible calorie-
carrying vanilla crisp. 230 of them! The treadmill said I
burned 234, but who knows what weight it's programmed to
average out for. (Crap.)
I took 2 fiber pills last now, and now I'm shitting like
crazy. 3 times since I took them! That's not bad..
hopefully I'll look less bloated.
I don't know what I'm going to do about lunch. I was gonna
go out w/ CC, Chris, and Jess, but it doesn't look like
that's gonna happen anymore. That means that mom is going
to know exactly what I ate and how much. *mad*

I'm gonna go work out some more
ttyl8tr
~Mia


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