Dissatisfied

If Only....
2005-04-06 00:22:26 (UTC)

We live in a beautiful world...

8:14 PM

WHEW! I just got off the phone with Jimmy and it was a
releif to talk to him about my feelings. I told him about
all that has happened in a breif summary and that I still
wanted him to design the bridesmaids dresses even if the
wedding is pushed off for a year. But as of now, I am just
going to see where my faith takes me. He told me he was
sorry that I am where I am and that if I ever need him to
talk to about anything, just pick up the phone. I swear-
sometimes I wish I was a gay man because Jimmy would be it
for me even though he is not my type in the slightest bit,
he is one of my dearest friends. Heck, even if I were a
lesbian- Lindsey would be the one! Anyways, I am waiting
for Tyler to show up because we plan on watching a movie.
I rented Spanglish and After the Sunset...so I am excited.
Things are okay- God is here for me and even though the
Devil finds his way in- I want to keep it in my mind that
the enemy is near and not to surrender to him. So-I am
listening to Coldplay a lot lately and I really am loving
them.
My heart is in better condition, but how great can it
possibly be after a heartache- a heartbreak.
I need to love myself more than I have lately and even if
Tyler and I do not work out in the future, then atleast I
won't be completely damaged. I do love him though and I
think he is FINALLY beginning to realize that I LOVE HIM.
Otherwise, I would have left every single last time I had
threatened to. So- I have a lot on my mind and nothing too
horrible to manage with.


The boats sinking like stones
all that we have fought for.....




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