if this is what it takes...
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2005-04-05 02:47:30 (UTC)

"all of our kids are getting a little plump"

Hey ya'll, if anyone reads this diary. I had to start
this. I've been having some body-image self doubts like
any teenage girl. However, to be honest, I never
seriously thought I was overweight before tonight. I'm
5'10' and 133 pounds. That translates to a BMI of a
little over 19. Clearly the medical community doesn't
think I'm overweight. BUt who are those bastards anyhow.
I was sitting down to practice piano tonight when I
overheard my mom talking to my dad and saying "all of our
kids are gettinga little plump. They're not too
overweight, just a bit." I should admit that I have a
major need for perfection (which explains my 4.18 GPA, my
239 PSAT score, and my 1600 SAT score) and I also have a
thing, and this is SO hard for me to admit, for pleasing
my parents, especially my mom. I don't know why either.
So anyway, admittedly I think it's safe to say I've been
on the verge of an eating disorder for quite some time. I
grew up being very very skinny and when puberty hit these
curves (which really aren't that big) have not really been
something I'm comfortable with. Anyhow, I've decided I'm
going to lose weight. This diary, along with the fact
that I've started cutting myself as a little "painful"
reminder of my goal, are going to keep me on the road to
my goal, which for now is to weight 125 pounds. My
boyfriend is so pissed that I want to lose weight so it's
going to be hard keeping it from him. {I've started taking
caffeine pills because I hear caffeine is an appetite
suppressant and when I take them I feel more awake and
less tired AND less likely to get the munchies!!} BUt,
luckily for me, my parents will NOT be making me eat I
guess. Anywho, if there is anybody reading this who feels
the same insane pressure to be thin and disgust that
you're not, let me know. Maybe we can motivate each

much love for now.

Goal weight=125
Goal BMI=17.9