Kalamity K

The Daily Chaos of Kalamity K
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2005-04-01 13:50:02 (UTC)

OH god...

I've been at work for 14 minutes.

I can't go through with this.

I'm about to bawl.

I'm shaking.

I'm fucking losing it.

I opened an e-mail to send to YWSBN, wrote a line, then
made myself close it.

I shouldn't have to do this.

I have messages on my voice mail that I can't erase.

I shouldn't have to do this.

They fired the receptionist yesterday.

That was just a ramble on my part. Sorry.

I can't stop this careening out of control feeling. I
can't stop it. I can't.

How am I going to do this?

I shouldn't have to do this.

I'm not supposed to spend time on line.

I'm not supposed to spend time with YWSBN.

I'm not supposed to do anything that keeps me sane.

I can't go to the gym - I feel like hell, still. Still hot
and cold and crappy-feeling.

He can do this.

I can't.

It hurts too much.

And I'm so sick of hearing MFS talk about her bullshit -
even though she's a nice girl and everything. I can't
stand anything right now.

[-hands start shaking harder-]

I just want to hear his voice once more, to say goodbye
properly, even though it isn't good bye, it's just until
next time.

[-tears start to stream-]

Shit I have to get out of here. I can't be like this at
work.

FUCKING PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER YOU FUCKING LOSER. NOW!

Oh god...that's not going to happen.

[-chokes-]

K2


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