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2005-04-01 09:28:58 (UTC)

Entry Number One

This is the first chapter of a significantly new time in
my life...I'm done creating my family. I know who all the
major cast members are, now. The final one, In Order Of
Appearance, is hiccuping softly in her crib.

Maybe I can work out Life, here. It's 3am, Husband is
sprawled on our bed, the record-player in my brain keeps
skipping back to the same songs. Maybe I can fix things
here, all by myself, if I'm careful. If I pay attention,
if I'm honest, if I try hard enough.

Life is pretty damn good. We have many inconveniences but
few actual problems. I'm trying to discern if the
situation in my head is an inconvenience or a problem. Is
everyone this anxious? Does everyone secretly worry the
way I do-- about death, about loss, about being unloved,
about tomorrow?