ftrestarr*

Insane in the Membrane
2005-03-31 20:05:28 (UTC)

UnDeR

I don't understand why first love is supposed to end. If
you never love anyone like your first love then what is the
point. I don't think I know much of anything these days. I
know less then most people. I know less then I used to
because evidentally I've been proven wrong a lot.

I get underestimated a lot by the people around me
especially with my family and the people at dance. I think
that since I've changed, maybe "grown up"...my childhood
has followed me around. I should have set a better
reputation for myself back then but I guess now I pay for
it.

"Touch me, it's so easy to leave me...if you touch me,
you'll understand what happiness is"...These words are
from "Memory" from Cats. I never really liked Cats, but I
always took favor to that song. I don't think I knew it was
from Cats until a couple of years ago. Maybe I feel those
words right now. Maybe it's just the melody..but I take
favor to them. Maybe it's a judgment these days but people
are more hypocritcal then I have witnessed in the past. I
try to learn from these mistakes that other have as to not
make them myself.

Things get bad sometimes. They get really bad and then not
so bad and then they're good and then really bad then good
then bad then not so bad...you get the point. I haven't
been in the mood to write, but I think about nothing..one
of those things that happens where u know it's gonna be
thought about...but u play something too many times to even
start to think about it...Comfort maybe?

I want to be an inspiration and motivation to all girls
across America. I.........I don't know..I'm not really in
anyone's good pot....I can't feel sorry for myself..that'd
be wrong. I can't let things go..I think too much of the
wrong thing. Teaching is all opinion. I just need to shut
up. I have to live.....I guess.

I don't want to be a bad example. I don't want to make
people think to judge. I hate the thought that people
worry. I don't like to sabatoge or ruin people. It's bad
enough to let myself down but to let others down is
indescribable and unacceptable.....This is repulsive..I'm
supposed to be here to better people...

Change is in order...it has to be..or else, idk what will
happen..I'll end up sad and mean. I better get on that. I
can be better..There is no limit on trying to make others
happy.




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