Helpless mosochistic love
2005-03-31 03:36:39 (UTC)

Bad luck

I think I am having bad luck. Everyone sounds like there
down in the dumps, but me im happy. Only because of
Brandon. Hes my only reason I get up with a smile on
my face. The one reason not to die, cut, or hurt myself.
He probably doesnt know this but ever since we've
gone out, im happier like I dont care what ppl say or
think. I just want to be close to him. To be held by him.
And not to meniton the only guy that iv'e allowed to get
that close to my heart. Normally I stand back so when
they say good bye. Or I see them screw up. I can smile
about it and not worry. Because I somehow knew we
wouldnt last. But with Brandon I want it too last a life
time. He likes me, for me. And Matts happy im happy.
But still down. Hes been thinkin, the long drop to the
floor from a cliff is soundin like a good idea. He smiles
a weak smile and acts happy. But just wait in the
middle of the night he'll call me cryin'. That always
happens, I call him cryin' he'll start cryin' . He calls cryin'
I'll cry. Its a vicious cycle. But everyone of my friends are
thinkin about suicide. People I love you GOD DAMN IT.
Yes I know im a very big hypocrite. Because I was
thinkin the same a month ago. But just know if any of
you kill yourself ill kill myself too. Anyway, enough of my
rambling im goin' bye bye.