aesthete

~*The Sleepflower Journal*~
2005-03-29 11:29:01 (UTC)

A (started off) formal introduction

Hello.
It may be self-important to assume anyone ectually ever
read any of my previous entries,but I actually hope you
didn't!
Anywho, I have discarded them and come back with a new
name and everything. Aesthete, but you can call
me ...erm...well aesthete. Not that you will call me
anything anyway..see there I go again. Anywho, I'm not
using my real name because just imagine the sheer horror
if someone I knew found my entries. I'd cry and cry and
cry some more, because I'm here to talk about them!
Candidly. About my whooooooooole life, and if noone reads
it so what. It's a way to express myself.
I'm particularly fond of writing, I do a creative writing
course, and this is a way of keeping a journal that won't
necessarily be picked up by my family. I'm very, probably
overly, self-conscious of my own emotions and how others
perceive them.
I've got a narrow view of how I want people to see me.
Like a specific, one that I'm comfortable with, and they
may not get that from my work. Which is why I can come on
here, faceless, and share it. Because if any of you should
form your own ideas, well they don't really bother me,
because you don't know me physically and I come as a
package: physical and emotional, completely turbulent.
Maybe that's why people don't like me :s
Anywho so some brief get-to-know-me's and I'll be off...
1, I'm 18. A tricky age. At 17 we want to flee the home,
be totally irresponsible, but at 18 we are ADULTS. And we
get scared and start to withdraw. At least that's what has
happened to me..I don't go out as much, I don't have as
many friends (partly because they've all buggered off to
uni), and I have nowhere near as much an active sex life
as I used to. What's the deal with that? I'm 18! Ahem,
actually I never had an active 'sex life', seeing as I've
only been with one guy in that sense *way too much info
for a 'formal introduction', I know!* but I mean in the
context of randomly going around pulling guys etc. Ah that
was a good summer...
2, I study Writing and Literature which is fantastically
insightful.
3, I have some kind of self-diagnosed anxiety, and I hate
it when people say I don't (by the way I only tell them in
order to explain my seemingly irrational behaviour!) and
it's usually men anyway, and they think they have the
answer to everything and that it's them!
4, I hate men. No I really do. Well, as a collective
anyway. They have no sense of personal responsibility;
they have complete disregard for feelings other than their
own; they NEED sex constantly and will go to whatever
measures to ensure they get it; they can only think on one
level (they can't link or analyse rationally); they don't
LISTEN! (they continually reinforce their point blocking
out anything else until it is accepted); they think THEY
are the superior sex when they have oh so many faults;
they hurt women, with malicious intent from the very
beginning, giving rise to 'bitchy girls' who then use the
tactics back on the men, who don't like it! ; 'They MUCK
ABOUT!' *in true Brass Eye fashion!* ..not that that's a
problem, I just wanted to say it!
5, I'm a Cancer, which means I'm overly sensitive and
prone to mood swings and all sorts of terrible naivities.
If that's a word.. But I still like being a Cancer, it
gives me a balanced perspective...!

And I can't think of anything else to write right now,
I've positively worn myself out. Plus I gotta head off and
type up some poems. I shall be back soon when I need
another rant or am bored!




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