rickysol82

My River Within
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2005-03-29 04:50:31 (UTC)

A THOUGHT!

You know how adults or older people always say they wish if
they knew what they know now, thats things would be
different in their lives now. And i just now realized thats
all they ever say they never say what they woudlve or
couldve done. You ever wonder maybe whatwould happen if one
of us youngsters , or teens or whatever u wanna call us
actually somehow in someway figure out and find out most of
this knowlegde that most adults who r older then us know
already. What could we really do with that information, i
mean really, how could we really set out and accomplish the
real purpose in life knowing what we know now, how? im sure
if we or one if its just me who knows?? how can i accomplish
my purpose my reason for being born, at this young age with
the knowlegde but still without "the tools". Atleast how can
i do it alone, cause i know such a purpose and like anything
else we do in life, we're not able to do all on our own, we
get help from family or freinds most of the time atleast
right? So from where can i really get the help that i need
to fulfill this purpose. My family? i feel as though they
sometimes push me back and just make me too overwhelmed and
i just give up, but maybe thats just they;re way of helping,
even though that intention is not clear at that actual time.
Your friends? well first, one would have to go through the
process of making friends, finding the "right people"if even
such a thing exists, that can be able to help in their way.
A girlfriend? well this area is rather painful for me to
even figure out cause i havent really had many atleast not
the same way most guys have had, but a gf most of the times
can make u think when your with them at first atleast, that
evrything is great in your life, that you have fufilled
your purpose cause you are so happy evrytime u r with her,
or talkin to her.BUt of course factors of outside realities
sometime interfere and test that happiness and Love into
tryin to make sure it is real, but im not sure about that.
And last but not least, your father? and im sure your
probably thinkin doesnt this qualify as part of your family
which i have already mentioned, this is true with most but
with me its not, cause the only family i know and see all
the time is my family who are, my mother my brothers my
sisters, and other relatives. But for the last 5 years my
father has been separate from that family that ive had and
been with these last 5 years. so anyway in regards to my
father? well evrytime i do talk to him or see him, for some
reason he makes evrything easy for me, i tell him a problem
that i have and he always looks for and tells me the best
possible way to tofix it, and sometimes fixs it himself, but
since i no longer live with him or neither see him that
often or talk to him that often anymore i dont get his help
or guidance and wisdom as much as i would like to anymore.
so through all of those sources of help that ive mentioned
the only ones that
have come close these last 5 years to helping me fufill my
purpose have been My father, which i dont see or talk to
that much anymore, cause i dont live with him anymore, and A
girlfriend that i use to have which i thought was THE ONE ,
who becasue of her helped me realize and appreacite what
love really is. But i love her and will never forget her and
how she has changed my life and has made a positive impact
on it, but she is no longer in my life for now atleast. And
my father well hes 62 im 22, and i feel like im not taking
the full advantage of having him, alive still with me here
in this world ,as much as i should, because if i wait too
long to seek his full help and he no longer is with me down
here, i really dont know what i will do and if i can make it
all on my own in this world to help myself become the man i
need to be to fulfill my purpose. Even though ive tried and
will keep tring with my mother and the rest of my my family
, and some friends to try and trust them enough and have
patience enough with them to give me the help i really need
. So yeah this is my situation right now,i dont know who to
turn to at times to give me the help i really need, not even
in my own family sometimes, and thats a frighful thought.
The only times i do feel like im being helped genuinly is
with my father and evrytime i get close with a girl
emotionally. But i know i will not be able to count on just
them my whole life, so some how someway i will need to find
a another way to get through the rest of my life, and
fulfill my purpose. and evrytime ive tried helping myself in
my own way theres always been either my family or people
from work telling me that i shouldnt do that, or that what
im doin is wrong, even though for me i think its right and
it makes me happy. So with that i know i cant count on just
myself to get through this, but its when my family and
evryone try to help me ,UNLIKE My father, it almost always
most of the time seems like they are actually trying to hurt
me, thats why i dont trust them or have patience with them
at times. Oh GOD hear my cry, hear me Father!!! send me an
angel to help me get what i need. please Father!!! i love
you and i know i have all the love in the world to give,
just please send me an angel to somehow some way help me
show that love or make that love with them, that which maybe
i need to do. Cause like evryone knows it takes 1 to have
love, but it takes 2 to make love. SO please father thats
all i need, for now atleast, just that and hopefully
evrything else will fall into place.


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