Candy

Wanna taste?
2005-03-28 19:29:51 (UTC)

Monday-about my life....

It's Monday, Easter's over.... :( The only reason this
Monday is good is because we don't have to go to school.
And also because it's one day closer til I get to see my
baby.... :D I really can't wait...You have no idea... I
just hope that we can go back to the way we used to be
before he moved, and hopefully even better than that. I
think we can, and his brothers have said that that's all
he talks about is us being the way we used to be. Well,
my brother just got back from the hospital, we tried to
wait as long as we could to see if it would get any
better, but it was still swole up this morning. So,
grandma took him and they said it was a bad sprain and a
torn ligament. So that sux... He's got baseball practice
day after tomorrow, but he won't be able to go, cuz they
told him to stay off of it. That sux. Oh by the way, I
don't think I've mentioned it so far, but if you read me
talkin about my grandparents alot, it's because I live
with them and my little brother... my Mama died in
November 2, 2003 and my daddy left afterwards, so yea, I
live with my Mama's parents cuz I've never been close to
his side of the family. They don't like me or my Mama...
they blamed us for him divorcing his first wife, so oh
well, I don't care they're all Assholes!! Except for my
aunt Debbie who died when I was 7 and my uncle Michael,
who's in prison for the next 30-45 years... which sux, but
I still love him so much. But yea, that's my life... My
Mama died 2 days before I turned "Sweet Sixteen" so, you
tell me how sweet you think that was... I miss her more
than I ever thought I could miss someone...I miss my daddy
too, but he's an alcoholic and I guess he couldn't handle
it, and so he left and moved in with his ex-wife, which is
why I got mad at him and told him I didn't want to talk to
him anymore... because she HATED my Mama and me... and yet
he moved in with her after all his "oh my baby... I lost
my baby, " well, i can't tell that it hurt him too badly.
She died in a car wreck, her and my daddy went to the
movies and me and my brother stayed with Grandma and
Papa. Well, on their way back home, a man in a big Yukon
Denali was lookin in his floorboard for something he
dropped and he bent down to get it-not even lookin at the
road. Well, he ran off the road and when he saw that he
had, he jerked the wheel to get him back on the road and
he crossd the center line and hit my Mama head on... she
died instantly and my daddy was knocked unconcious. He
had a collapsed lung, and the bone in his left leg-from
his knee down- was crushed... it looked shredded. well,
he decided to stay with a friend until he got better where
he could take care of me and my brother, and about 4
months later, he left without even tellin me...which hurt
me really badly, cuz we talked EVERY day, and then I went
like 1 1/2 weeks without hearing anything from him before
my uncle Steve-Mama's older brother- told us that the guy
my daddy was living with told him that daddy had moved to
Montgomery County to move in with his exwife. Well, about
4 days after he moved there, she kicked him out and he
moved in with his mom and dad. Then they kicked him out
and he moved in with some nurse he had met when he was in
the hospital after the wreck-yea that's right, right after
my Mama -his "baby" had died and he was "so upset" about
it. He stayed with her for a long while, cuz I found out
that when he got the settlement from the lawsuit against
the man that hit him and my Mama, he took this bitch and
her kids on a Carribean cruise and bought her and her kids
all this stuff, and yet we STILL hadn't heard from him.
And when he did call, it was the day I found out my friend
Amber Ashworth had died, and I was too upset to talk to
him. He asked me why I hadn't called him on his birthday
and I told him that I didn't know where he was, how could
I call him? Then he kept on saying that he wanted me and
my brother to go out with him to the movies and I told him
i didn't know when I would have time cuz I had a viewing
and a funeral to go to. Well, then he was like "Well, do
you just not want to see me anymore?" and I told him
kinda...cuz he hurt me really bad when he left us. He
tried to make it out like it was my fault that he left and
that we weren't seeing eachother anymore, but I had
nothing to do with it. Then just a couple months ago, I
found out that now he's living with this crack whore that
used to supposedly be like my Mama's best friend and I
told the people where she worked at to tell her that if I
saw her, I was goin to whip her ass!! And come to find
out, she quit right after that. I mean, what kind of
friend would do that? She ain't nothin but a sorry ass
bitch, just like my daddy is. But I do still miss him
sometimes and I know my brother does, so that's what makes
me miss him, cuz after my Mama died, I wanted to kill
myself, cuz she was and is my BEST friend. Well, I know I
had other family to depend on and live for, but at that
time, I wasn't thinkin about them, but I did think about
my brother right as I had the pills in my mouth, 4
Lexapros-an antidepressant that when i took 1/2 of one, it
would make me sleep for like 10 hours. I just thought
about his smile and how he just sat there cryin that night
that the police called us to the hospital. I couldn't do
it. I mean, somedays I would love to kill him, but I
would kill for him ANYDAY cuz that's my little brother and
I love him... he's all I have left of my family-family,
not including my grandparents and aunts and uncles u know
what I mean? He's all I have left and I live for him. He
even asked me one night when we was layin in our beds -we
share a room and got 2 double beds in there- he asked me
if I ever thought about killin myself since Mama died, and
I told him the truth and then I told him why I didn't, and
told him that Mama had big expectations for us, because
she didn't have that chance like we do, and I told him
that when we die, we want to see her again and if we
killed ourself,then we would go to hell and never be able
to see her again. So I think that made him think a
little bit more about it and now he is ok...so that's
good...cuz if anything happened to him, I would die...


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