zoe

Undercover Discoverer
2005-03-28 04:23:29 (UTC)

one day...

somehow i have a lot to do, and somehow i find myself
sitting at this computer once again, thinking and having a
strange urge to type these little keyboard buttons. i
think part of me is insane. no, i'm joking.
i was thinking today how i wish i was famous. i wouldn't
be a normal famous person. i would want my own show,
though. maybe not a show, but a biography sort of thing. i
would want people to follow me for like a day, or a week
and then air it on tv for like a couple hours.
i want to be a model/actress. the only thing stopping me
is the thought that it's close to impossible. i know,
though, that if i got the chance, i would run with it
because i believe enough that i would make it to where i
want to be. so if i believe in myself so much, what is
stopping me? i don't know. reliablitity, i guess, the fact
that no one else cares enough to show some interest in my
dreams.
but i also don't believe i need anyone else. i am
terribly lonely, however, and my search for love comes at
a time in my life where i have to make a decision-- be
alone and do what you want or be happy and settle for
something less than normal?
i am still in love with an ideal person, who everybody
says is non-existant. how can someone not exist if you
feel he does? i'm not talking about "just" a guy, i'm
talking about the one who will be there for me for the
rest of my life, someone i won't get sick of, no matter
what. that's what's strange about me-- i believe what i
say is true, even through the harshness of friends words.
i guess that doesn't make them worthy, huh?
i met a person very similar to what i'm searching for.
there were some kinks in the situation of course, and i've
learned from it. now i'm ready to move on and "get happy".
i will be happy one day. i truly believe that.




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