Landslide

Let's see how long this lasts
2005-03-27 06:33:56 (UTC)

Murderess

Every thing has been fine, but today, I broke. I mean, I'm
fine now, unhappy, but fine, back into the real world. The
fact that I felt like it was so ridiculous, made me that
much worse, cause it's not the end of the world by any
means. In fact, nothing truly disasterous happened, but
the moral of the story you are about to hear is that I
should've stayed in bed. I woke to the sound of the phone
ringing at 9 after driving an extra hour last night so I
could take Lan and her friend Corey to Lone Oak (without
them offering me any gas money... that's ok though I guess
cause its better that I stayed awake and spent money rather
than spent money on gas and fallen asleep.) My mom gave me
the phone and it was Casey calling to ask if I could come
hide Easter eggs at church because no one had showed up to
help. I rolled out of bed hair and all and hastened to
church, unfortunatly, unbeknownst to me, my phone also
rolled out of my car and on to the ground where evidently
ran over it with my car. Now I was slightly impressed when
I finally came to terms that the phone the preacher was
showing to everyone and asking around about was mine since
it wasn't crushed entirely, but the screen is broken. I
can't see anything on it. I KILLED EBENEEZER!!!!!! Oh how
terrible! I'm a murderess. Anyway, so I couldn't let it
show how much this bothered me at church since Casey was
all like it still works and "God's will is not always what
we expect/want" and stuff, so I sat back and enjoyed the
Easter egg hunt and postponed my grief. We had the
littlest kids. I love watching them. I think when it
comes to life, we're all like a bunch of toddlers at an
Easter egg hunt. You have the ones that realize that the
point is to pick up all the funny bright things on the
ground so they run around snatching all they can. Then you
have the ones who follow those around cause they figure
those kids have the right idea, but the followers don't
quite know what it is and are willing to follow and mock
(kind of like a little kid soccer game.) Then there are
the ones who bend over to pick up the funny bright thing in
the grass but get distracted by the tractor in the next
yard or a bird or well... anything really... screw the
eggs! Then you have the ones that simply show out for
members of the opposite sex. It's amazing how young that
begins to happen. Enough of that analogy. I felt weird at
church. As if people were looking at me funny, maybe its
because I had bed-hair, but nevertheless i was
uncomfortable. So I go home and get the mail. Two letters
for me! One from band saying that I can go to the spring
football game for free if I play. Unfortunatly this is
also the day I have to rush to Paducah pick up my wonderful
new retainer that is so necessary (note the dripping
sarcasm. Then, I open the other letter from KEHAA or
whatever they're called and it says that I'm not eligeble
for any of the financial aid next year like i was this
year. This is very frustrating. Yes, we did appear to
make more money this year since my dad can actually work,
but it doesn't show where we are still struggling to pay
doctor bills that the insurance we put so much money into
refuse to pay. Now I had already intended to work two jobs
this summer and work next year during the school year, but
I had hoped to save it for a trip to Europe. That's life.
Anyway, it really bothers me. I DON'T ask my parents for
money EVER. I won't now either. Then, we went to Paducah
to the Cingular store. I realized that the only thing on
my phone that was defective was the screen, surely that
could be fixed. Alas, no. Ebeneezer is dead. I killed
him. I had to buy a new phone. One like I had would've
been 130 dollars when i got it free to begin with. I had
to settle for the cheapest phone they offered. The $100
motorola. Let me tell you how pleased I was about that!
Evidently I have a big issue for spending that big of a sum
without planning it in advance. I tried to be pleasant.
My mom and I were supposed to buy an Easter dress for me.
Luckily I brought one because I didn't make it. It all got
to me at once. I cried. I held it in for the most part
til I got to grandma's but then I felt so stupid. It
appeared as if I was crying over a cell phone. How absurd
is that!?! After my mom and grandma laughed at me and went
outside (they did try to make me feel better) I went back
to the closet where my prom dress sleeps and shut the door
and cried. Is there any better personification of trying
to ignore your problems and failing miserably? I go and
cry in a dark closet that houses a symbol of another
failing of mine. I've gained so much weight and I will not
be satisfied until I'm my healthy weight again and can wear
that dress! That's really getting to me too. Then my mom
keeps asking about my World Religions grade and I know its
not satisfactory. Then a good friend of my mine is making
a fool of himself hitting on me and I DON'T want to deal
with that. Not my type at all in that way. There are
other things too. I just broke. I couldn't hold it
anymore. I had to give it up, but I'm so stupid that I
have to hide from the world to do it, even two of the four
people that I feel the most comfortable with. I felt SO
stupid. Then there was the game. We just couldn't keep
up. I was so exhausted that I fell asleep. When I woke up
we were tied at what 80? I don't remember anymore, but we
had come back. I prove my point. Louisville won because I
went to sleep and good things could happen. Anyway, that
was good. (I find it absurd to say that Illinois won cause
I was unfortunatly awake.) Anyway... I've lost absolutely
all of my address book so the only numbers I have are the
ones I could dial manually so do me a favor and tell me
your numbers again everyone...this sucks.

I feel like a nuisance lately...
I'll be 19 in 11 days!

Final thought: We're ready to party we're ready. I hope
you bring lots of spagetti. Come on in; come to the place
where fun never ends.




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