I don't even know what to say. Language is a nightmare. I
used to think of it as a game, used to be able to play it
well.. but someone changed the rules on me, and now I can't.
I want to scream, I want to be able to explain what's going
on inside my head, but I can't. Every time I try, it goes
badly and I wind up with whole new problems in addition to
the ones I had before. I can't explain what I think or feel
without someone getting angry.
I dream.. gods I dream sometimes. And those dreams just make
my days worse.
I'm standing in the depths of an ocean of power, that
screams to be used, and won't ground away from me. It
screams to be used for the one thing that I can't use it
for.. and I can't just use it for nothing, but nothing is
the only other thing I can think of. My body crackles with
it, my skin feels like it's been sheathed in lightning. But
that's not the worst. The worst is the sharp pain that's the
blurred line of pleasure.. that comes and goes and makes me
want to writhe and scream and weep all at once.
I'm a fool and a fool and a fool and a fool. And every full
moon, it just becomes worse.