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2005-03-26 02:40:39 (UTC)

My Life... Second Entry

So like I was saying the baby *who I named Kodie* was 9
months old before his father must have thought "hey its
about time I see my first born son, by the 14 yr old girl
who loved so much she went through the pregnancy and labor
*which ended up a c-seection* who knows it might be fun."
Yeah well it wasnt fun. Kodie didnt want nothing to do
with him, and everytime I saw his face I wanted to puke.
After that he went back to Ohio, a few letters, some long
distance calls, and christmas presents the first year from
him and his aunt, and his 2nd year birthday present 2
weeks before he turned three... how do I know it was
suppost to be fore his second brithday... because hed been
telling me for the last 11 months that he was gonna send
it... but I guess he waited so he wouldnt have to send one
the next year either. And thats the last we heard of him.

Kodie was born July 5th, 2001. I had just turned 14 that
May. When I went to go back to school the next year I was
informed by the principal that I was not "desired" to go
to that school anymore and they set it up for me to go to
an alternative school. All I had to do was complete the
school packets and get a credit for each one. Get 24
credits and your done. I was there until the middle of
October and got 6 credits, then I got kicked out.
Supposably I stole a keychain. Which is bullsh!t, because
we were on a school field trip and the teacher was on her
cell phone, and the group that we were visiting were
teaching us how to engrave things, and they said that if
any of the keychains had our name on it we could take it
because otherwise they were just going to throw them in
the trash after our groups left. Well one said my name and
I took it, later the teacher asked me and I told her what
had happened and she went back to the group and asked the
guy and he said he never gave one to anybody. I asked he
which guy did she talk to and she said he had dark hair
and te guy that said to take it was blonde. I told her
that and she of course didnt believe me. and so I got
kicked out.

While I was going to that school I met a guy named Gilbert
Douglas Parkinson II... or Parks for short. But all the
guys at school called him Houston because we lived in a
little tiny town and he had came from Houston, TX, so it
just became a nickname. I started liking him and I liked
all the little things he did, like he would open the door
for me at the library where we met with our friend "crazy
davey" who really wasnt crazy but he just wanted
attention... but to be honest, I think we all did. Dave
because his parents were so strict, Parks because he was
new there, and me because I had just had a baby and felt
like I was so ugly *mostly because of the stretch marks*
that no guy would ever want to be with me again. Like
grade A beef went to grade C *right above all the
overweight people who cry into their ice cream* (no

Parks and I got our first "date" simply by mistake. He had
asked Crazy Davey to go to a movie with him, but of course
his parents said no, and Parks said that he wanted someone
to go to the movie with him. Then what I said was that "I
would have to ask my mom but shed probably let me go and
she could watch Kodie", and she loved watching Kodie *I
think its because she hadnt had a baby boy in the house
for over 20 years* anyways what Parks thought I said was
that I could probably go with him and my mom would watch
Kodie. So anyways we went to go see Rush Hour 2. Well I
hadnt had a good night sleep since before I was pregnant
and those kinda movies dont get my attention... yeah well
I fell asleep, but Parks was really cool about it. He even
invited me to go to another movie, knowing Id probably
fall asleep again.

Anyways after dating for a few weeks he moved in with us,
and from there things went down hill. We started arguing,
then we started arguing even more, then we made up went to
Houston for 1 day, then he lost his job. We kept on
arguing, went to Houston for Spring Break (by then we were
both kicked outta school) thats when I met his friend Juan
and his girlfriend Renee. I felt really intimidated by
Juan, probably because I was a small town white girl and
he was one of the first Mexicans Id ever saw. But back to
the story, Parks and I went down to Houston for Spring
Break and we had a double date with Juan and his
girlfriend at a restaurant called Lasagna House 3. *wheres
one and two?* Then we went to play pool at a place called
Try*ky's. I think the last time that I had played pool
before that was when I was in 4th or 5th grade. Anyways I
really didnt feel like I belonged there. Parks was talking
to Juan and I was just there, didnt know how to play pool,
no money to play video games, and with nothing else left
to do... Just stood there lookin like an idiot. Oh well,
cant change the past.

Anyways after that Parks and I went back to Oklahoma, our
relationship never got better after that. We had a really
big fight and I told him to get out, and then he packed up
and was going to leave, and I started crying and begging
him not to go, I was crying so hard I literally made
myself sick, and he heard be throwing my guts up, did it
matter? No. He left me anyways. Then a few weeks later he
called up saying he was sorry and wanted to come back, and
all that... I couldnt have been more happy, I honest
thought I was in love with him and would do anything to
get him back, and there he was telling me that he was
going to come back to me. But when he came back, there was
nothing changed about us, Except we just waited a few days
before we started in on our arguing again, but it came
back and so did all the feelings like I wanted him gone,
but then when he would go to leave, I wanted him to stay.
I just felt very confuzed.

We came back down to Houston again, to work on our
relationship. We stayed for about 2 months here, We took
Kodie with us, and my Mom moved back to Iowa. During that
time I was living with his mom and stepdad now. His
stepdad was always away at work in the other town that
they lived in, his mom stayed at her father's house for a
few weeks at a time, ten went to visit her husband.
Parks's grandfather had just died a few months before
that, and now they were trying to get his house fixed up
to get it ready for sale. We stayed where ever his Mom was
at. During that time we saw Juan alot, I still wasnt very
comfortable around him, but it was getting easier to hang
out with him, and pretty soon I was looking forward to his
visits, just to have someone new to hang out with, but we
really didnt all talk that much, until one night when he
stayed the night, andwas asleep on the couch and Parks and
I had gotten into another big fight and I went into the
living room to sleep next to Kodie's crib, which I did
every night I got upset. The next morning Kodie woke up
crying and I took him outside to see the grass and all
that, and mainly to calm him down so he didnt wake up
Juan. I guess I wasnt fast enough because a few minutes
later Juan came out. We just started talking, and pretty
soon I felt like I didnt have to hide anything from him,
just because he was Parks friend, and it felt good to have
someone to talk to about all of my feelings. Thats when
and him and I got closer.

Thats also when I learned that his girlfriend had cheated
on him, got pregnant and that she didnt know if he was the
father. Whats worse is that she wasnt the one who told
him, it was his other friend Buster, which means that she
told him before she told Juan. I hate skanky hos like
that. I might have been 14 and pregnant but at least I
knew who the father was.

I remember one incident very well. Juan, Parks, Kodie and
I had all gone to visit with Juan's friend Paco when he
worked at Oshauns. Somehow we ended up running into "her"
and her mother and she was telling one of her friends
about she was 6 months pregnant and all this stuff... Juan
was mad and went to the mens restroom and knocked the soap
container off of the wall. Im not sure if he was mad
because she was saying she was six months and that means
he would know that it was his baby and he didnt want it to
be because he couldnt stand to be around her, or what. Im
really not sure why he was mad, but right at that minute
when I saw him that upset, something inside of me just
wanted to comfort him, like he had been doing to me every
night when we would go outside and talk, and I would tell
him how much I hated being with Parks, because he didnt
appreciate me and he never helped me with Kodie.

I remember one time Parks was acting all "manly" in front
of his friends, treating me like crap and I saw Juan look
at me, and he knew I couldnt stand it. I went outside and
I was fighting the tears when Juan came out. I never
wanted him to see me cry, but I couldnt hold it in. Thats
when I told him I was just sick of it, and I wanted to go
back to my mom and never see Parks again. But I still
wanted to be friends with him. (Juan)

After Parks started knowing that I wasnt happy there, and
that Juan and I were getting closer, it felt like he
started to do things to make me look bad to Juan and vice
versa. I remember he took me to Juans house so that Juan,
Juans dad and him could play pool. The night before that
Kodie had gotten really sick and of course Parks didnt
care. I stayed up all night with him. When he was burning
up really hot I woke Parks up to help me with him, and he
said "oh, he'll be ok, just go to bed." What a dick! So
anyways like I was saying, he took me over to Juans house
and left Kodie with his mom. I really wasnt in a good mood
to begin with. Then Juans dad offered Parks a drink and I
had already told him that I dont like when he drinks and
drives. Its not safe and I have a baby to think about. He
took it anyway and I told him that I wanted him to take me
home before he drank it. He made it a big deal and crap,
just to make me look bad in front of Juan and his dad.

Then if that wasnt bad enough he waited until we got into
an argument and then said "I dont know why you talk to
Juan anyways, he always says that all you ever do is
b*tch." That was the last straw, if Juan didnt care if I
was there or not, then Id rather not be there. So when
Juan called later to ask if Parks was around I let him
have it. I told him stright up, I was like, no he isnt
here right now. *in a very rude voice* he was like whats
wrong with you? Then I said If you thought I was a B*tch
then why didnt you tell me, why'd you act like you wanted
to talk to? and slammed the phone down. I waited by the
phone for about 5 minutes to see if he'd call back. He
never did. He came over a few more times before I left.

Part three mext time...