Nangza Shaddur

quantum depression fetish
2005-03-26 02:39:42 (UTC)

the next day

Ill have to squeeze two days into one seeing as I could
write yesterday and I have to go to the Casino with my
friends tonight. So first, yesterday....Have you ever begun
to hate who you are? I am what psychology calls an
infantilist (a person, male or female, who, for any number
of reasons sexual or psychological, likes to wear diapers
or act like a baby). So, I wear them to bed sometimes and
my girl roomate, with whom I share a room and dont have sex
with or date, (no Im not a chaimberlain, eunuch, or fag)
knows that I am this way. Now, she doesnt know I wear them
to bed to my knowledge and she'd probably be cool with it
anyhow. Well, I wake up and start to think, how stupid this
is, how sick it is, and just want to stop being the way I
am. This is how its been ever since I started to wear them
though, as if there are two me's. The one that comes out,
which is the toddler, and the other sane person that looks
at the toddler and says "For crying out loud weirdo, you're
21 years old, get over it!" Of course, he doesnt surface
until Ive had my fun with them. So, Im caught trying to
find a way to change, and hopefully one day I will.
Well I got home and decided to drink a couple of beers
and felt much better after a day of work, and I started to
read Misha (my roomate) my diaries from when I was 18
working in cigarettes cheaper. There were things in there
Id just plain forgotten about, interesting things, people I
knew, ways I felt. You know what I realised reading it?
There are some things about a person that never change, and
there are situations in your life that seem to dominate
everything around you that are so meaningful at the time,
and a few years later, they mean nothing. So I guess we
really should't sweat the small stuff.
Today wasnt anything too spectacular, cept I drank two
red bulls and a coke "yay". Anyhow, thats it.