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2005-03-25 00:58:40 (UTC)

My Life... First Entry

Well, Hello there anyone who might be reading this... this
is my first entry so I thought that I might just use it to
introduce myself and my life situation as of the last 17

Well, it all started May 3rd '87 the day I was born. Which
sometimes still feels like an accident. After that
my "dad" started abusing my mother again. If I was her I
would have never went back to him after he beat her when
she had my older brother ~*who by the way is just about as
much or more of a fuk up as I am, But the one and only
friend and person Id trust with my life *~besides Shawn~*
anyways after my mother left my father, she got with a guy
way too young for her, like 30 yrs differance. And my
brother Richard had to move to a foster home when I was 8,
he was 13. But him and my mother didnt get along at all.

Anyway we moved around alot, I think the longest time I
was in any one school was from 3rd grade to the beginning
of 6th grade. and even then we didnt live in the same
house the whole time. Ive lived in so many houses in 17
yrs I cant count them, I even have problems counting all
the towns Ive lived in! We lived in a lot of different
towns in Iowa because thats where my "family" lives. I
say "familiy" because they're the type thatd rather turn
you into dhs/cps welefare, see you starving to death
living in a car, or just see you dead, rather than help
you. Which they have turned my mother and I into te
welefare countless times, the lowest time was when I was
13 yrs old a pregnant and the put me in foster care from
3months until 2 weeks before my due date and made me take
anger managment the whole time. Like what... I didnt have
a good enough excuse to be "angry."

Anyways, more about that later. Before the beginning of
6th grade we moved to Topeka, Kansas because my step
father's mother was dieing of cancer. Its not like we got
to see her when she was alive and healthy to actually have
a "bond" with her, so when we went there my sister and I
hardly even knew her, and yet 6 months later when she died
no one could understand why I wasnt crying. But after she
died her husband *my stepfather's stepfather* didnt give
my stepdad any money because... well really I dont know
why, they never told me me anything about money, until we
didnt have any.

We ended up living out of our car for about 7 or 8 months,
until we moved to a homeless shelter. Which about 4 months
later we got kicked out because they thought we were doing
drugs but what had really happened was that my sister had
a headache and my mother gave her an asprin to take and
she couldnt swallow it so she chewed it and she almost got
sick and she spit it back into the Pepsi bottle she was
drinking from. They said that it was a drug substance of
some crap, I dont know, anyways we got kicked outta there
and went back to our car for a few days then my mother
(with lots of help from my stepfather) decided it would be
better for my sister and I to go live with my cousin and
her husband. While we were there my mom and stepfather
were saving up money to go back to Iowa.

Ok so we made it to Iowa only to find out that no one
wanted to help. What a shocker. *rolls eyes* Then when we
got back to Kansas we found out that our tv that we had
left at my cousins house had "got hit by lighting and the
color tube blew out, so they had to take it to the fix it
shop" more like pawn shop, thats where we found it two
weeks later.

Pretty much after that my stepfather went to jail for
driving under suspension and some other charges he had,
and my mom, my sister and I made our way to Oklahoma.
Yeah, another relative on their deathbed. This time it was
my mother's father. Another Grandparent I didnt really
know that well. But he lived awhile that we were there. I
think we stayed there for about 3 and 1/2 yrs. (5 houses
and 1 hotel)

So what happened while we were in Oklahoma? Well my sister
started to get in trouble at school and they sent her to a
counseling center, where she met a little girl named
Jamie, who was dealing *or rather not dealing* with her
mother's death. Anyways Jessie and Jamie were good
friends, and then my mom met her father, and they went out
on a date, while his son David 17, daughter Angela 22,
Jamie and Jessie 10 and 11, and me 13 all stayed at our
house. Well Jessie and Jamie fell asleep in her room,
Angela sleept on the couch that pulled out in the "other
room" I dont know what to call it since it wasnt a guest
room, it wasnt the living or dining room so its
the "other" room. So that left David and me alone. We
stayed up and watched Kingpin and There's Something About
Mary. I was falling asleep in the Chair so I made a bed
on the floor to watch the ending to the movie. The next
few weeks I called to their house and talked with David
alot, I just liked the conversations we used to have. We
both used to be completely obsessed with WCW wrestling and
we both loved Sting. He wanted to be a wrestler but I told
him that he'd never make it, and he wont. Hes just a
scrawny little white boy.

Anyways their house was going up for sale, and they needed
a place to stay and I was more than excited to have them
stay with us. So they were with us for a while, Angela
lived at the colledge dorms, David was sleepin in
the "other" room and Jamie and Jess were together. Then
problems started and my mom got ahold of my grandma who
said to bring us up there. My mom had Davids father, David
and Jamie take Jessie and me up there.

On the way up there we stopped at a rest area and David's
father, Jamie and Jessie all had to go to the bathroom. So
David and I were alone... and thats when he said "can I
ask you something?" Can I sit in the back with you? I was
like yeah sure. Then he was like "so can I ask you
something?" I was like "I thought you did." He said "Nawh,
something else." Ok... then he said "you like me dont you"
of course I got embarassed... who wouldnt be after such a
blunt question! So I turned red, looked at him and said
yes. and he said that he liked me too, which resulted in
our first kiss. Followed by him saying that my mom had
told his father who told him... So he already knew this
whole time I was calling him and everything. The rest of
the ride we were holding hands under our coat and whatever
else we could hide under, trying to steal a few seconds

When we got there they changed their story and supposably
my mom never said anything about them coming and only
Jessie and me could stay there. And I wasnt about to leave
Jamie alone with no where to go... or David. We all ended
up staying at my cousins house (the same one who pawned
our tv) Anyways. While we were there we got closer and did
the "nasty." A few weeks later my mom called and said to
come back to Oklahoma so we did. By then my mohter nad his
father werent on what one would call "speaking terms" but
David came to live with us anyways. For a while everything
was good then the dhs got involveed and David had to move
out and my sister and I were put in a foster home. 2 days
before they let us come home David moved to Ohio. He
claims that they made him move... I dont believe him,
maybe its because it was so close to the day that I was
coming home, or that I found out that I was pregnant and
he never came back. Well not never but not until the baby
was born and nine months old already.

Part two Tommorrow...

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