Yes! I ve found a muse for..
Yes! I've found a muse for my emotions to spur off
one to ignite the fire in my...uh...soul(sorry for being
cliché, the fire in soul line is just way overused, or as
Tryneski would say, a "beaten horse"). Haha I
feel "back"....I wrote something just yesterday around
midnight that I believe stands as the best thing that I
have ever written. Maybe I'll pose it on here some time in
You just feel more powerful when you are consistently
feeling an emotion, and you are capable of identifying it.
I think that since I am completely right brained, I find
that basing my "life", if possible, more off of emotions
than off of logic works as more than a catalyst for my
Please don't misunderstand me, though. I know how
important it is to have and use logic in these social
situations I speak of, how safe it is, and how it
essentially avoids risks and guarantees a more consistent
bliss than, say, going off of emotions. And although I am,
in general, an abstract thinker, I have been known for
having a stable, horribly logical mind in social situations
when I am not in "like" with a member of the opposite sex.
The awesome thing about a muse is that you can sit
there and write forever and never grow tired, and become a
careless poet. And with this muse, if appropriate, one can
unlock the secret to utter completion in our adolescence:
absolute consistent confidence without arrogance.
It is a beautiful stage of enlightenment that I have
only reached perhaps twice in my life. Being an
uncontrollably social creature, I find that my confidence
(about 71% of it) blooms entirely off of being accepted.
And I am generally accepted. But my desire to be accepted
does play a little higher into my pyramid of needs,
somewhere up to the self actualization part, yet still
stemming the basic grounded manly needs of essential manly
wants. Need an elaboration? Here it comes.
See, my desire to be accepted by everyone is, in its
most simple form, always fulfilled. But there is a more
neatly threaded and underlying desire for fulfillment that
I indeed possess. The reason it comes from the lower part
of the pyramid of Needs is simply because I ama guy who is
attracted to attractive girls. That's a basic fulfillment
for me, something I was (as all guys are, despite their
current sexual preference) born into. I think my desire to
have pretty girls may be a tad bit stronger than the
average Joe's though. And, more importantly, my desire to
challenge myself and live up to other people's challenges
and thereby fulfill them (self actualization) is what makes
these pretty girls such a commodity for Yours Truly.
I'm not off track, though. Back to the point. This
stage of enlightenment is, again, something else. Even the
days that should be poor, when you sleep little and stress
a lot, are a blast because of that consistent acception.
Well, not a blast. But it always presents the possibility
of something to look forward to. The earlier days of a
relationship, when all that infatuation is involved, before
both parties have found out just how compatible they are or
aren't, is the standard for the relationship. This plateau,
though it will perhaps never be reached, give a human hope,
which for me (and, i think, for most of us), gives us
confidence in the future.
Here is where I want to draw a graph, an economics
graph, about how this relates to our (or perhaps just my)
happiness. Goodness. It's so simple. And I know my
perspective is greatly altered with the fact that I
currently feel a similar simplistic bliss as I type, the
world viewed in eyes of love is one of complete peace.
(again, quite cliché)
The infatuation stage is the very best of existence
when all is turning out well. You are offering your very
best: you find yourself trying to be witty, dressing
abnormally nice, and consistently blushing...and yet the
butterflies of failure still loom in your stomach because
there is the chance that you will not succeed. And by the
time you have put yourself out there and exposed yourself
and revealed you true feelings, you see, the butterflies
have an exit, which always triggers one of two extreme
reactions if the infatuation is intense enough. You can (a)
expose yourself, and let the butterflies fly out through
your mouth when the words were uttered, and get a non
similar reaction from the other party, leaving you crushed
and missing the butterflies. Then there is (b), which will
bring about weeks (more or less) of bliss that, when
happening, feels eternal. The mutual releasing of the
rejection butterflies. To synonymously release something
that needs to be released with a person who must release
them too AND feels the same way about releasing them as you
do is surely a state of bliss that is, to my knowledge,
impossible to be duplicated. The fritillary departs,
leaving you whole, because to fill the void that the
butterflies once occupied, you have the other person.
And this is the muse stage, still not fully exposed. Yet
after the "I like what I see" message is shared, the limits
of bliss are endless. Never have I been so happy in this
stage as I really ever have. And, as aforementioned, it is
a lot more than that, because of the HOPE that comes with
it. Things may one day rise (though doubftul) to the point
in which they were in the infatuation stage, and you KNOW
it's doubtful, but you still remember sharing that
mutual "getting to know you and loving every minute of it"
stage, and that can keep you pushing past anything.
And, if I may quote Tina Turner, what's love got to do
with it? I am not speaking at all of love, no! I don't
even know what that is in regards to a single person of the
opposite sex, and I am not certain it exists. I hear it
does, particularly in this culture we have nowadays in
which love is always the ultimate goal...this love, this
word (again, I ramble on a cliché topic, forgive me). Point
being, it's not about love. This is the stage before you
know completely what you are dealing with.
Clearly, I can ramble on this for days, but I must
call it a departure for now, because there is work that
needs to be done. If you've reached this part of the entry
without skipping over large mounds of text, I commend you.