Kalamity K

The Daily Chaos of Kalamity K
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2005-03-23 14:24:54 (UTC)

0900 and already in tears...

"That Particular Time" came on my iPod as I was coming out
of the subway and walking to work.

I suddenly couldn't breathe. The force of the insanity of
what I'm doing in my personal life starting hitting me and
then I saw the goddamn weather beacon and had to fight to
breathe. I can't help thinking that in all my decisions,
the wrong person/people always get screwed.

I came in and listened to my messages and there was one
from TLS. In her stupid voice, "Hi, K2. I put a file with
a corrected letter in your intray and I saw the invoices
hadn't been taken over. You have to take them every
night. We have a 24 hour turn around on invoices. Please
take them every night." A few tears came. I wanted to
scream. I take those goddamn invoices over every day
almost without fail. A few times I forget or take them the
next morning. 24 hours is 24 hours not 6 or 8 or 12. She
doesn't take her own invoices over. She gives them to me
or MFS. It's SO urgent that when I first got here she put
one in my intray and I gave it back to her b/c it was her
agent and there was no note. She gave it back with no note
the next day. I gave it back again with a note, why do I
keep getting this? She didn't even answer me, just stuck
it back in my tray. This was right when I was new and had
no idea of what was going on about anything. It took 3
days to get that one there. If it's so urgent, take it
yourself. She never takes the file cart to return the
files on time, she has a report on her desk that's been
there at LEAST a day (after the big bruhaha that everything
should be dropped and the reports dealt with immediately,
she doesn't do that...If I sound like I'm being petty, I
will admit to it...I am just so angry...and upset...)

Then I did my voice mail and I'm probably sounding like I'm
crying.

Then, I listened to my messages to torture myself and
listened to the 3 from YWSBN that I had saved out of the
many, and more tears came.

Looked down at my sweater - grey - and it has a lovely
bright yellow stain all over it. What the hell? It's like
I used it to paint the sun or mop up mustard. So great. [-
sigh-] It's near the bottom so it was hidden when I looked
in the mirror, sort of, this morning.

Then, an agent called. I like this guy, actually. He's
nice. "Hi, K2, it's xxxx. Did you get a chance to send
out the xxxx report yet?" I haven't. Supervisor is still
looking at it. "I thought it was already approved?" It
is, that's just how he does things. "Okay. I understand.
But the parties have court today at 10:00." Oh god, Dan,
there's no note on the cover page, next time put a note so
I can tell him (boss) to hurry up with it. "I know, it was
my screw up." No, no, not what I meant, just I have no
other way of knowing... So now I'm waiting for my
perpetually late-ariving boss to get here...[-sigh-]... I
should be doing that file right now, actually. But
whatever. It'll be done to fax on time. This guy, DD, I
like him, though. He always takes a minute to ask me how I
am. He always tells me I'm important. He asked how I was
doing and I said, "You know, okay I guess, not great." He
said, "We have to take care of you. You're important.
You're critical!" He wasn't being facetious either. I
about cried - b/c I was still having a moment unrecovered
from from earlier b/c his phone call interrupted the
recovery process. "DD, thank you. You are the only one
who says that to me ever...I appreciate it..."

So that at least was nice. If (please, when) I leave here,
I will miss the nice agents. I won't miss anything else,
save my Russian friend JK and maybe one other, a senior
secretary, but I don't know her that well yet. I won't
even miss my nice bosses. Certainly not Wheezie.
Certainly not TLS, not any more.

I have always sucked at taking criticism, constructive or
otherwise. In fact, I take deconstructive criticism better
than the constructive kind. I am, as my father liked to
yell at me, "uncoachable". I think that's a lie. You just
need to know how to coach me...and then I can be extremely
coachable!

But today, fine. I'm uncoachable and I don't care. I know
constructive or deconstructive criticism is part of the job
but over every little fucking nitpicky detail. The number
of things I could say about TLS and her incessant phone
calls about personal bullshit and how she gets on us to do
stuff that she doesn't do herself, etc., but I generally
don't say anything. I am not perfect but she is far from
it, too, and her true colours are coming out more and
more. MFS is okay, just does her thing and when she has
nothing to do, babbles to her 18 month old on the phone or
talks to her mother or her fiancé or looks up dogs to adopt
or whatever. Drives me nuts but I can deal, mostly. But
I'm sick of it. Just fucking sick of it. All of it.

I had something else to say but I've forgotten it... shit,
I was saving it up for the end, too. FUCK IT. If it comes
to me, I will come back.

Gotta go and prepare this report for if my boss ever comes
in...

K2


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