The life of me
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2005-03-23 08:11:24 (UTC)

*I'm totally blessed* Wednesday 3-23-05 2:35 AM

Okay, I just wanted to say I feel totally blessed. I read
what Lindsey wrote in here and it just made me feel soooo
good. I love her so much. She rox! Hehe. Sometimes I feel
like my family doesn't really support me all that much.
(Mainly my mom.) Me and my stepdad get along okay most of
the time. He has his moments when he can be a real jerk
though. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even really *in* this
family. They don't understand me at all. It's like we're
living on two totally different planets or something. Does
that make sense? I hope so. My stepdad gets his feelings
hurt WAY too easy and he won't let stuff go. He holds
grudges big-time. Like once a few years ago, I forgot to
tell him happy birthday and he wouldn't speak to me for
like 2 weeks. I didn't mean to forget but I was thinking
about this really big english paper I had to write for
college and it just slipped my mind. I remembered at like
4:30 that afternoon and went into the living room and I
go, "Happy birthday, Tim. I love you." and he didn't say
anything. He just acted like he hadn't heard me and when I
tried to give him a hug he pushed me away. That hurt sooo
bad. I mean it's not like I forgot on purpose or anything.
People make mistakes, ya know? Nobody's perfect and I did
apologize, but he acted like I comitted the worst crime in
the world or something. I feel like I constantly have to
walk on egg shells around here to keep from hurting
people's feelings and having them all mad at me and stuff
and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of constantly having to make
everybody else happy all the freaking time. What about me?
Don't I deserve to be happy too? I'm also sick of my mom
taking it out on me everytime she gets mad. It's not my
fault she's pissed off at the world. I didn't do anything
wrong and I'm tired of her always taking her anger out on
me and making me feel like shit all the time. I'm tired of
being her punching bag. I'm also tired of her not accepting
my relationship with Bruce. He's not my "friend" Mom. He's
the love of my life and wether you like it or not, he's
gonna be your son-in-law some day soon, so you better get
used to the idea. What did you say? You don't like it?
Well, you know what? I don't give a rat's ass if you like
it or not. I don't tell you how to live your life and you
sure as hell aren't gonna tell me how to live mine. Not
anymore. Those days are over. I love Bruce and I'm gonna
marry him someday and if you don't like it, too damn bad.
That's your problem, not mine. Okay, sorry just had to
vent. I'm done now. LOL! Anyway, I think the reason Lindsey
understands me so well is 'cause we're in the same boat.
Not gonna go there. She knows what I'm talking about. We've
had the same nigtmares and fought the same demons and she
beat them and ended up in the sunshine instead of the
shadows. I'm still fighting my demons but I know I'll beat
them eventually and end up with my fairy-tale happy ending
just like she did. And I know on that day, she's gonna be
right there cheering, going, "I knew you could do it."
that's all for now. I'll write again tomorrow.
I love you, Lindsey!
I love you, Bruce!

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