my diary
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2005-03-23 04:57:56 (UTC)

good girls, bad guys...

When I was in middle school and even for most of high
school I found myself always going for those 'bad' guys.
I am not really sure what it was, maybe it was just
exciting for me, maybe I liked the challenge, I am not
quite sure. But I think now I am starting to realize when
it comes to those 'bad' guys, that's all it's ever going
to be,a challenge.

I've been asked so many times, why do good girls go for
those bad guys? What do they see in them? I don't know
if it's the same with other girls, but for me, I've always
been naiive enough to believe that I could be the one to
change them. Maybe you have a drunken night with them
when they confess to caring so much, and you think you get
a glimpse into the person they really are, they are
suddenly sweet,charming, and gosh they really do seem to
like you a lot. But then you find the next morning they
don't remember what happened and you certainly aren't
important enough to be called, or even acknowledged the
next time you see each other. And yet you are still
convinced that underneath that asshole exterior there is a
genuine, good person, and who knows maybe there is, but
you shouldn't be naiive enough to believe you are the one
who is going to bring that out.

I've said before in a previous entry that I am good at
giving other people advice and when it comes to this
issue, it's no different. I do a wonderful job of telling
my freinds to stay away from this guy because he's bad
news and he'll only hurt you. Maybe I should start
listening to myself. Bad guys are exciting and they are
fun to be around, and I can't help but be drawn to them at
times, but I am starting to let go of that old mentality
that I can be the one to change them. And honestly, how
badly do you really want to be with someone if all you are
trying to do is change them. Time shouldn't be wasted
trying to mold these jerks into decent guys, not when
there are decent guys already out there who will
acknowledge you, and will truly mean it when they say they

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