slave jess

Journal of Joels slave
2005-03-23 10:10:01 (UTC)

diary 22-03-05

hi
last night i had my scheduled online meeting with my
Master. the day before i had the cyber session with the
Other that my Master had wished me to do as a gift to the
Other. this left me feeling many different things,
confusion be the most prominent. i didnt understand if my
Master loved me how he could share me then to read the copy
of the session. when i logged in to meet with Master at 1st
things seemed fine but then i felt the tension and i knew
he was doing his best to keep His hurt under control. i
felt he misunderstood a few comments that were made which
were all innocent with no pre conceived plan to fool my
Master. i love my Master. once we discussed the issues, we
began a more indepth chat about open and honest feelings
which left me with tears in my eyes for the tenderness my
Master was showing me. at 1st He said he felt i was growing
too strong of feelings for the Other which i agreed my
feeling were growing. the chat bounced up & down with my
Master knowing what i want eventually (R/T that he cant
give me) and between Him still wanting to Master me. He
wants to guide me in my journey into R/T as he has some
misconceptions about the Other. but life carries no
guarantees to any of us. i assured Him if He were to let me
go then i was not ready to run straight to another Master
as i need time to sort my Head as i feel i am in love with
2 Masters and neither of them deserves only part of the
love i know i am capable of. Wwe talked for such a long
time and i felt it was the deepest and most heart moving
chat we had ever had. Master then began to say things that
sounded as i was a part of his past..this scared me... was
i getting his messages wrong...was the language barrier
finally becoming wider...what was happening? i asked him
was he releasing me and he said Yes. i felt my heart break
and the tears began to flow like a river...some times it is
best to break ties quickly but that doesnt stop the hurt.
Wwe agreed to keep chatting as friends and until i do go to
the Other as his slave i will continue to chat to Master
and hopefully talk to him via phone soon. i still love Him
and i know He loves me and i thank Him for thinking of me
more than Himself by releasing me now.

love to all
jessica




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