angels heart

Through my eyes..
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2005-03-21 18:37:34 (UTC)

eventful weekend

Nothing can compare to the weekend my very first weekend
starting my spring break. It was suppose to be relaxing and
what not but only had to deal with my cats giving each
other issues for two days. But along the way i was able to
get some much needed spring cleaning done. Now my place is
so much cleaner and even made some homemade bread too.
which im proud to say for the second time came out
wonderfully. Glad to see i got that one down well. I know
I have to plan on studing or reviewing my math a bit harder
this week. I do have some homework and need to be at home
to use some help discs to help me along my issues im having
with the subject. Im pretty much leading dave on the path
that i need to deside what im going to be doing about
school. He knows the week he comes back which is next week
that Ill be studing very hard for three tests that i just
so happen to have in three out of four classes im taking.
So he will hardly see me that week. Sorry to say but i dont
think hes going to handle it very well. I dont care for his
swinging moods. One min hes all lovey and just cant stop
saying how wonderful i am and the next hes confused cause
he doesnt know why i cant make time and that he knows its
important to me but then keeps sugguesting i drop down to
half time status..what difference will that make i still
will have to study...see hes selfish very selfish and at
times doesnt seem to want to stand back from his own needs
and see what im going through. He says he loves me but if
someone were to ask me if i really love him? Id have to say
no. I find him smothering and clingly and overly sensitive
and pushy. Hes always calling me and trying to track me
down and when i dont answer the phone he throughs a fit and
thinks something bad has happened to me. It was my own
fault i let him give me a cell phone. things were moving
way to fast with him and honestly it needs to end..i mean
the talk about babies and having one was sweet and love that one day...but every time we made love
hed want me to say what iwanted..he wanted me to tell him i
wanted one now..with him..that hed go get the surgery
tomorrow to reverse his and mine to do this..but do i want
this..? i mean im almost 40 and going to school do i really
want another when my three are almost all teens..i dont
know and his emails my god endless upon endless love and
careing and charm about how the air just feels different
due to me being in his life and how simple thoughs just
move his mind...he repeats these emails on a daily
basis...i love his need to express i do..but hes done this
for almost four months now non like ok do you have
anything else to talk about other than how much you love
me..? I think in a way hes controling. I let him put new
screens in my apt..and i later found out due to a question
he asked me that he viewed the caller id listed on my home
phone..he asked me if my ex bf calls me alot and if he was
wanting me back..i cant believe he reviewed my incoming
calling list on my home phone..i cant trust him in my home
again..oh did i tell you after knowing him for a month he
gave me his old wedding a symbol of whats to
come..whats to come..are you kidding me..this mans first
divorce papers states no one can live with him since he has
a teenage son with him..only way someone can live with him
is if they get married..oh no not this woman..i can see it
now..i get married to him and then he trackes me down every
min of every second of the day..nope im not going down that
road..i had a great fri with rob..and i want more nights
like that plan to give dave all his things back
retreive my stuff at his place and end it..cause if i let
this kind of distraction keep me from getting ahead in
school then im sure to fail..and i refuse to fail..

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