mindmurmur

mindmurmurs
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2005-03-21 15:55:31 (UTC)

Monday Mourning Blues

Well its about time that I put an entry into our diary,
its been set up too long without thoughts and words being
entered.

I guess its always easier to think deeply when you are
hurting, when you are happy you simply don't, you drift
long on waves of happiness.

I feel sore, deep down raw. I was okay but I managed to re-
open healed wounds by listening to the words of my ex-love
and it was cutting.

His tears were awful, his pain was brought by me existing
in his life.

Why is love such a bitter pill to swollow? Why is
seperating, even when you know it is the right thing to
do, the most painful.

Why, when your hurting do you feel so utterly lonely.

I hate feeling depressed, its an old friend I don't wish
to become reacquainted with. Its too easy to freefall and
not care about anything, to feel like your no longer
breathing, simply existing.

All I want out of life is to be happy why is this so very
hard to achieve?

In some respects I am happier than I have ever been but in
others I just don't know if I am making a dogs dinner of
it.

I guess thats what being alive is. Choices.

Making the decision to live life with your heart or your
head.

I am going to try and live by my heart, its hard because
your head is very strong, but it has to be done, to just
off the edge and see what happens.

I'm scared a little but know in my heart I am following
the right path for me.

My old path did not lead to the happiness I was looking
for or needed.

It was crumbling before my very eyes and I was slowing
loosing my light inside to see the path ahead.

Its sad but true.


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