Breoko

I Don't Know
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2005-03-21 03:26:15 (UTC)

So Long Spring Break

Well, I'm back at my school now, hurray. Kinda mixed
feelings being here. On one hand, I'll finally have stuff
to do again, other than sleeping and banging my head on
the wall at home. On the other hand, I have to put up with
school again: the stupid homework, stupid people, stupid
job at the library. I really don't mind going back to
classes though. I like my classes; I like learning. I have
piano, which my mom hates me taking cause I'm wasting time
and money, but I love my teacher and learning how to play.
I have social psychology, which is taught by a very funny
teacher. I've had him three semesters straight so I know
what he expects. Great teacher, but very hard to get an A
from. Doesn't bother me much though, cause I don't try to
aim high for things like that, nor do I really care about
how high my gpa or stuff like that is. Let's see, what
else... Ugh, I can't think. Oh! Ok, I also have British
Lit. II, with the Poet Loriet of Texas, if that means
anything to you. Great guy, really knows his stuff and has
really helped me learn *gasp* about poetry and understand
it better. Ugh, but I have to write a paper by Thursday
for him. Anyway, one last class, and that is, um...
Crap... I'm very tired and hungry right now, but that is
just an easy excuse. *looks down at the table* Oh! Ugh, no
wonder I had this class blocked... Its Japanese class. The
one class I really have a problem with. I'm the only girl
in there, but there are only five of us. The guys I really
have a problem with don't show up much anymore, but when
they do, it always turns in to a horrible class. Because
you know, I just love being the base of all sexual jokes,
really... Only not... And if it isn't those two idiots,
then it is the super genius I sit next to, that just shows
up to class and learns everything automatically that
really makes me feel like an idiot. Sitting between him
and the teacher, oblivious to everything else going on, is
so much fun... I'll ask the teacher for help, and I won't
get it. I'll stumble over my sentences a little, and
she'll give up on me and skip to the class genius. I'll
tell her I'm lost and she'll tell me that I understand it,
because it is easy! Well yeah, I'd imagine it would be
easy for her since she lived in Japan for over a decade
and is also a language genius! She knows French, German,
Spanish, and some Chinese. I mean, come on! I know I'm a
total idiot, but thanks for rubbing it in!

Tch, enough about that stuff. I think I was talking about
school in general, and I'll go back to that. *sigh* It is
also very bitter-sweet right now. You see, I lied my last,
and first, journal entry. I do have "friends." Two girls I
talk to with in the computer lab every once in a while,
two girls that are friends of friends, two girls that I
finally found this year that have the same interests in
anime and videogames that I do, and a handfull of other
people that live in the same dorm with me and are just
plain friendly to everyone. Though, most of them are not
close enough to really sit down with and have a deep
conversation with and really let them know me, but then,
I've never had any friendships like that. Well, I might
have when I was younger, but those two girls dumped me to
become popular. Ahh, the wonderful years of middle and
high school... Actually, in high school, I finally found a
group and place my senior year, and then lost it all with
graduation. Anyway, enough of that, back to now. The
reason everything is so bitter-sweet right now is that I'm
probably going to have to leave these people behind too. I
can't stand this school most of the time, and I think I'm
finally going to drop out. Of course, like everything in
my life, I really don't know what I'm going to do. I was
forced to come here by my mother and grandfather in the
first place cause I didn't know what to do with myself
after high school. To tell the truth, I don't know how
I've made it this far in the first place, and growing up,
I just couldn't, and I guess still can't, picture myself
in the future. I just don't know what I want to do with
myself, and every day it just drives me insane. *sigh*

Ugh, I just lost my train of thought from a loud group of
gossiping girls. Living in an all girl's dorm has been...
interesting... Ok fine, I'll just come out and say that I
find most of them very annoying. Mostly because I'm very
much a tom boy girl, and most of these girls are very
steriotypical girly girls. Well, that and they are all
taller, skinnier, and prettier that I could ever be. And
it really disgusts me! There, I came out with it... happy?
Grrr... I try not to think or care about that stuff, cause
then it makes me feel like them: shallow. But I guess deep
down, I'm just as shallow as all of them.

Well, I guess that is enough for now. My stomach is
chewing on my backbone, so I guess I'll go eat some ramen.
You'll soon see that I live solely on ramen. I've actually
missed having it all week while I was at home. Heh.


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