Don't you wish they had seen?
we have all done that one deed that has gone un-noticed.
or that deed that you have kept in your heart knowing that
you meant well. i don't know if you (dear reader) has read
my journal on when that girl got on the wrong train and i
ran through every fucking train at the station to find her
and tell her she had made an error.
well i hadn't seen her since.
i felt that she had probably been swallowed by the error of
her ways and that my ineptitude was destiny. i should
never see her again. i had tried, dear reader i had. i
had tried to find her and tell her that she was on the
wrong train. i knew she couldn't understand english nor
speak it well.
i hadn't seen her in so long and every train ride
therehence had been an excruciating ride of longing, hope
that i would possibly be redeemed in my sad, desperate
attempt at a samaritan way of life that had failed so
the fact that i had not seen her in three months made me
realize that i had probably failed in my pursuit for
perfection. i have done many things that deserve national
holidays. some including actually telling tourists the
correct way to get to the street that they wanted, and
actually telling old ladies that, "no we weren't at war.".
no body had heard my good deeds but they had been done and
it rubbed me.
anyhow this girl i had tried to help but i couldn't find
her and i was certain that on that day before christmas she
had taken the wrong train. and the fact that i hadn't seen
her since hurt me everytime. i just wanted closure.
i was sitting in the metro, fast asleep thanks to my new
job actually making me work. it as 8:47 and i was at the
station where that girl, let's call her claire, also got
out (this was when i had my old job). we got out together
and did that awkward, 'i know you but i'm too sociopathic
to speak to you look'. anyhow there i am sleeping the
metro away, waiting for my new destination just 4 stops
away. apparently claire thought i hadn't switch jobs
all of a sudden there was a jerk on my shoulder as the
chime said, "doors are opening!"
i woke up, arms flailing and finally, i opened my eyes and
my mouth hit the ground. i sat there riveted in statuesque
fashion, a pinnacle of incomprehension. but, but, all of
my envisonment has said you no longer exist. oh my god.
"ve have to git out of here. dis is your stop!"
she seemd so genuinely concerned! jesus. i gaped. she
seemed so concerned and anxious as if she would drag me out
if i would even tell her that i had gotten a new job at a
new law firm that as 4 stations down. i got up and she
gave me a confident smile...........and i got out. i got
out 4 stops ahead of mine with 13 mins. to spare.
i didn't know what to do. she walked with me for a while
and we talked. she told me about how she thought that the
guy selling hot dogs on the corner was ripping everybody
off and i just gaped. i walked with her till she had to
diverge and go to her work.
then i go on the metro. i got on the metro with a smile.
not only had a tried to save her with no one there to
witness my failure but she had helped me. oh the irony.
she had saved me from my 4 extra stops.
i sat there dumfounded, just stumbling through my stops. i
had done nothing, been acknowledged for even less, yet i
had the fate of redemption.
i have a cat sleeping on my arm. i can no longer type.