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2005-03-20 06:31:50 (UTC)

March 19th

Oh today was such a boring day. I should be cleaning my
room right now since its such a mess but I dont feel like
it. I kind of am nervous about tomorrow, I have to go to
the restraunt in town to start my training as a host. I
know mainly everyone there, the owners are my neighbors
and I baby sat for them for about a year so should be no
wories but I still have a gut feeling that something is
going to go wrong or something. But about my boring day
all I did was go to burien where my grandma and grandpa
live to visit them, we visit them every sunday but had to
go today. All we did was sit at her house and go to
target. I did though get the new gwen stefani cd. Its
pretty good, different from her music in No doubt but
still has a good beat. I was just in my room thinking on
how much I need a boyfriend. I know someone that I could
go out with and would go out with me, Tyler, my friends ex
she tryed to hook us after their 2nd break up but I barely
knew him and had to say no although he tryed so hard to
get with me, I only went for the cuddles lol. Hes really
nice and funny but I dont know something about him bugs me
cant figure it out yet. Maybe I just need to hang out with
him and Josh after school somedays but w/e. I was thinking
I really need to go on a diet I've lost about 15 lbs since
christmas and have no clue how but I did and since I did I
know I can easly lose more. From what I think of myself I
need to lose about 15-20 lbs. Rachel tells me I look
great and shes my best friend and we tell eachother
everything so there is no lying but I still am depressed
about how I look to myself. Maybe more walking/running
around town. Just letting you know I am the most radom
person ever I go from one thing to another in seconds lol.
There are a lot of things about myself that I dont
like...my nose, my toes, my legs, my knees, my ears, my
boobs but my weight is my biggest thing. Just I barelt
ever feel close to pretty, unless im around rachel and her
friends and josh & tyler I feel for relaxed and sexy in a
way. They all see me for who I am and they love it. Lately
I have been having this craving to make out with someone,
its never been like this for me I never cared about that
stuff thats why i've never had a bf or kissed a guy to
this day but now since high school I have been wanting
more and caring more of what people think of me. I'm
trying to hold back but I want to make out with someone so
bad!!!! Im pathedic. Well its about 11pm think I should go
clean before it gets too late. Will fill you in on my
first day at training work tomorrow. Night all