Autum's Leaves
2005-03-18 02:24:22 (UTC)

Ordinarily Normal

Sitting at my computer, wondering where all my time
went and how my diet went so horribly wrong, I was
confronted with a thought: What is ordinary?

To me, it's an ordinary night at my Mom's house, Mom
and Glenn and I watching some political documentary,
eating too much while watching it, and being more
distraught by the minute after we watch it. To my ex, an
ordinary day deals with, going to school and being
miserable, going to work and being miserable, and then
maybe hanging out with friends and toking up. There's a
fine line between being ordinarily miserable and really
being unhappy. So, where does that line of pain stop? How
much pain, is too much?

I once heard that in relationships, it's normal to have
pain. That pain helps people grow, brings realizations out
in the open, settles disputes, brings compromise. But,
where do those love pains turn into true unhappiness
pains? I believe it's different for every person. I weigh
things out. The old, "is it worth it?" question. The only
bad thing is how diluted we can be when asking ourselves

So, what about normal appearances? My last crush was
previously crushed by his crush when she started dating
her all new crush. He's adorable, he's funny, he's tall
and athletic, he's got a great personality...he's perfect.
She's so popular, short, kinda skinny, so cute, very
outgoing, nice...she's perfect. And here I am, one who's
average height, kinda chunky, very dark hair, dosen't wear
make-up everyday, pretty bitter, wears jeans with holes in
them...not so perfect. Sure, I'd like to be different, but
I'm always going to hate getting up in the mornings, ergo
I'm not always going to have time to do the make-up and
hair. I'm always going to love food, ergo I'm never going
to weigh a 100 lbs. But, that's just me. The ordinary girl.

While watching "The Incredibles" at the now $2 theatre,
there was a scene that intrigued me. The mom says, "Honey,
you're just special, everyone's special." The child
replies, "Yeah, which means no one's special." So maybe no
one wants to be thrown out on a limb for being a freak,
but we all have our inner freaks, which means, no one has
an inner freak after all. If you're not kinky, you're a
freak. If you're freaky in bed, you're a freak.

In our world of sameness, most of us try to be
different, making us all the same. But that's okay.
Because we all do it different ways. Some write, some act,
some invent, some run businesses, some raise children. So,
the paradox is the ultimate answer; To be different, we
must all be the same.