Angel

Finding what there was

When I was away I decided that before I cpmpletly decided
to se S* agen there was a lot of things I had to do and
think thoug first. One of the things was to read what I had
written before and I wanted to do that then, but I could
not get logged in here and forgot I stil could read what I
had written, and most of the information is in my diarys in
paper who is (verry well hidden) home whare only my father
lives at the time)
Cause afther a time most people seem to rememer the good
things and forget about the bad that happend, some even
change their memory from bad to good, or the other way
around. Memory is a verry difficult part of cognitve
psycology to understand. (if you know something about it,
Im standing at Shiffrin and Aktinsons model, like most
people do)
I havent been home to pick up my diarys, most likley I will
not eather, I come from a huge probetry (we have a farm)
and Tommy have a verry smal appartment, much easyer to find
them there. But afther my last entry I did some reading
here , I could not find much and I will go back, but I did
find something.
What I remember from my life the way it were back then was
that everything was bad except I had Samuel and S*, and
thay where great. And it was like that for allmost 6
mothns I guess before I also had unplesant experiences with
S* aswell.
Cause there have been things he`s done that have not
exactly made me happy, but most of it I must take on me, at
lest in the begunning. I just loved the way he was in the
beginning, and he seemed to love the way I was to. But I
changed and then he did, as a resonse to my change and I
didnt like that and expected him to be the way he had been
all along.
Im not balming everything he did that I did not like on me,
but Im a verry verry over sensitive person , things that
does not matter to anyone matter to me. And I was young and
in love, and you know how young girls in love are, they
take nothing and make it out to anything.
I must addmit I dont remember to manny times he have been
mean to me and I did not deserve it (I did not but he could
not know that when I didnt told him what was going on) most
of the time I now see a hurt person, but I dont think I sow
that then.
Im not making him a saint, he`s not there are not so good
sides with his personality. I remember I was worrid cause I
tough he was drinking to ofthen. When you come from a home
like mine you worry about that stuff. Maybe he did, maybe
he did not I just noticed it to well when he did, Im
absolutley the wrong person to jugde those things. There
where other things was well, but just diffrences between
us, not as serious as the drinking.

Angel