X is my secret.
2005-03-16 08:44:26 (UTC)


Well first I'd liek to start by saying, I realized that part
of the events earlier . . yesterday. . .were cause by fear.
Fear of waht you may ask? Fear taht I knew I was NOT the one
that John wants. I dont' KNOW that for sure. But I was sure
at the moment, and still am now. I am not, and probably
won't ever be the one he'd ever want to be with.

I've *gets teary eyed* tried to be there for him, to talk to
him, to be what he wanted. To just be the one he wanted, and
for a while I was. I know at camp I was. But for, most
likely, the same reasons that all of them have gone, he did
too. I just don't know what to do anymore. . .*starts
bawling* . . .there's not a single man on earth who will
ever like me for me. There's always something wrong with me.
At least John didn't think I was fat, and made it known, and
taht he found me attractive. Lol, that was great, it made my
day. . week. . hell even month. *continues to sob* I read my
So John. . .entry. That just started me on a crying fit.
I've honestly tried so hard, and maybe that's the problem,
I've tried too hard. I guess I'll have to back off, not that
it will do anything anyway.

Anyway, family. . . stupid. I dunno, I don't wanna really
explaing it all again right now, I will tell you later.