book of me
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2005-03-16 06:14:38 (UTC)

friends indeed!!!

woke up. feling refreshed. and the zeal in me. today was
ok. spriing break is coming on fine. had some life changig
talk with osita. what are friends? i think that somehow, i
maade the wrong maybe i should put it thiw way-
i went down the wrong path in making my friends... they
have this wrong impression about me. is it all about the
money. somehow, i thnk that the only reason why these guys
are around me is that they all want someone to help them
whenthey are in need. someone that will spend some money on
them. maybe it was really my fault.i put money into the
equation of our frienship. now am the money guy. somehow i
wouldn't be complaining if indeed i have the feeling that i
was spending on real friends but m sixth sense tells me
that am knda been used. been expoited. i feel i just have
to cut myself from all these and face the real reasin that
am books. not thinking of how t pleaese
some person. people that canot be there for me when i need
them. it's time to stop being the fool.cos that's what ve
been. the money you spend don't make them your tru freinds.
mum, you know me. you know the thoughts that run throgh my
heart. you know how much iwant to see a smile on someones
face. but it seems that i ve been mis understood. i just
feel like am been preyed on. i thunk this time in my life i
have to learn to say NO. cos they don't even appreciate the
things u do fot them. i have never begged anybdy for
anything in this school. and this my so called friends are
driving me madness. this are not true friends but lions.
now i feel waht aj said to me. i really do miss my true
friends. friends that never bring money and material things
into our friendship. it was all my fault, i came and they
changed everything i stood for. for goodness sake who are
they to tell me what to wear.what to buy. ve eally been
inthe dark for way too long. it's time do somethngs for
myself. it's time i be me. live for me and be happy. these
are not true friends. it's sad but i have to cut from them
befrore it's too late. my dad always said....friends are
those that gain from you and you also gain from them. he
was so right. he also said i should beware of i know. i thought we were all
one.siblings of the same land.. but it a pity it not just
so. everyone is seeking to take advantage of the other
person. i know that am not the saint but i know there's
something in me that lives for others. am there for others.
i love putting a amile on faces but this time around am
being taken as the spending fool. the most painfuk thung is
not being appreciated. i don't expect anyone to lick my
foot but all i need is a little gesture. a little act of
thank you for being there for me. nothng earth moving yet
life changing. i just have to keep off at this point and
rech down into myself. and talk to people that think the
way i do. it's a cold word. but that does not mean i will
stop caring. i will always carae for people who need the
care and not people who exploit it. don't need it but save
theirs and watch you squander yours on them. how cold!!

mum, my prayer has always been to be a better person, to be
there for others. to put a smile ona face and these will
always be my prayers mum. i think i have to be onmy own
now. i have to do what i came here make a
difference!!!! mum i know that you are always here with me
and will never let me down even though i let you down like
everyday. i love u mum. i love u. may i live for you. you
really are the only true friend i have inthis cold world
where am all alone. i put everthing behind me and live a
fresh. be with me.