cori

cori
2005-03-15 21:23:36 (UTC)

what could have happened?

i keep asking myself that question right now. i feel like
my life has fallen apart today. my best friend since i was
born has decided to give up his life to drugs. i dont
understand why. and when my mom didnt say anything when i
got in the car i thought that was wierd. and i was about
to fall asleep when i remembered something. so i went to
tell her and she was in tears. i wish i didnt ask what was
wrong then she wouldnt have told me. and then i wouldnt be
crying righy now.

i thought my life was so good and that small arguments
were bad. and now i have to deal with this.
i hate knowing that my mom blames herself for so much
that he does.

i honestly think this is the worst day of my life. when
people in your family die that are christians and have
been baptized and have gone to church since they died you
know they are going to heaven. but with those who were
just baptized and just went off and did their own thing
apart from God they most likely will not go to heaven, and
that is how it could be with matthew.
i know i have prayed just about everyday for him to go
back to church and now hes doing drugs.

it makes me want to doubt God, but i know that is wrong.
and so i just have to tell myself that at least he has
enough sense to tell mom and say that he isnt doing right
by God.

i dont want to talk to him and he just has to be at
home....




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