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2005-03-15 15:06:42 (UTC)


Well another day. Yesterday didn't go as planned. I wanted
to get more cleaning done, but it didn't go that way. I
came home and fixed dinner. We watched a movie called
ladder 49. It ws pretty good. I can't believe my husband
was crying though. I looked over at him at the end of it
and I could tell he had been. I asked him if he was ok. All
he said was stupid movie. I think he was embrassed so I let
it drop. It's probably his medication making him that way
because he never cries over movies. I was a little upset
too, not because of the movie but because of a certain
scene in the movie. The main guy in the movie finds out
that his wife is pregnant. He and she were so excited and
happy. He picks her up and spins her around, just all
smiles and thrilled to death. That's what I wanted this
time around. With our first daughter it was a shock and we
were cared to death. I wanted the next one to be planned
and for us to be happy like that when we found out I was
pregnant. But instead he has a nervous breakdown after I
had already gone off the pill and he was debating on if he
loved me or not when I found out I was. His reaction was
one of shock and I believe very mad that it happened. I
cried like a baby because I knew he was going to react that
way and I was scared that I was going to be alone with a
newborn. I know things have changed since then. I really
trying to believe that he made a mistake and that he truly
does love me and that he wants this baby. It's hard
sometimes though, like last night. That bugged me and I
didn't tell my husband because I figure that it wouldn't do
any good. All it would do is make him feel bad because deep
down he knows that things didn't turn out like they were
suppose to and that it's his fault. So why should I hurt
his feelings. He asked me what was wrong and I told him
nothing, it's just hormones. I guess he believed me and in
a way I didn't lie because it's probably the hormones
making me feel this way about things. He was loving though.
He held me for a little while before I went to bed. He came
to bed later and we watched the end of wrestling. He rubbed
my back for a little while. That was comforting. Then we
went to sleep. My daughter went to school and had told
everyone that I was having a baby. She said they prayed in
class for me and the baby. I thought that was sweet. All
and all it was a pretty good day. Thank You Lord for
another great day. I just want You to know how much it
means to me that You help me. You are so worthy of any and
all praise. I just wish everyone could see it. Bless
everyone and watch over all my loved ones. Please let this
good fortune continue. Amen.

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