My Lost Life - I
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2005-03-14 04:26:28 (UTC)

Saturday, Today. the Call?

Yea, well I just tried calling Tommy twice, and the phone
just kept ringing. Grrr... So, I called his friend, Rick
instead, whom I've never talked to in my life before. I
was just like, 'Yea, its Jen, Jennifer, his girlfriend.'
He's like, 'Yea, yea, oh, yea. But yea, hes not here, you
should call his moms.'
'I just did. But the phone kept ringing.'
'Oh, his sister is probably on the internet.'

So, after getting off the phone with Rick, I decided to
check the internet, although I'm not even supposed to be,
well, not supposed to be on the internet talking to ppl
anyways. Come to find out, his sister, Tiff, was on the
internet. I'm kindof glad she was, cuz her mom had the
phone with her when she went to bed. And her mom found out
that I had been talking to Tommy, last Saturday. She was
not, "a happy camper." (lol)
Yeah, it probably would have been death if she picked up
the phone and heard my voice. So, I told Tiff to tell
Tommy about the address dilema and that I love him very
much. I just hope that she tells him and doesn't "forget."

She wouldnt even let me over there, so I could say goodbye
to him one last time, again. But I did atleast say goodbye
to him that time, just not the way I wanted it to be. I
mean, yea I was sober at first, but like I said, it was the
one time when I had a chance to get drunk. Which I did,
but I wasnt happy about it. It was going to be the last
time I got to see Tommy, and at the very last hours we were
together, we were drunk. He had to see me all messed up
and not well. I couldn't even stand up that well without
his help. I didnt want it to be like that, the next time
I'll see him again, it'll be more than a year from now. It
shouldnt have been that way, not at all, it makes me very
disappointed in myself.

I kept apologizing to him, he was so sweet to me. He takes
care if me, and I take care of him, thats why it works out
with us. I Love Him So Much. When I was all messed up, he
took care of me, but thats how its supposed to be, in
sickness and in health and he did that for me, like I did
for him. When I couldnt stand up straight, he helped me
through it. It was past the time I was supposed to leave,
he knew it, I knew it, and he made sure I made it home.
Here, its easier to just tell the story.

Well, is y'all read that past entry, I talked about how
when we got there, we just couldn't get our hands (and
lips) off from each other. We hadn't seen each other in a
whole month. We just lied on his bed next to each other
forever, it was the best time I have ever had in my life.
Listening to music and lying next to the one I love most.
It was a beautiful thang. Well, after some time (I got
there at 11:30p.m. and it was probably about 2:30ish a.m.)
we decided to mix sum drinking into all of that, that pure
perfect moment. So, things started to spin after awhile,
when I wasn't moving, and you know, when things start to
spin, you've had too much. I felt kindof worse then
(looking back on it) cuz I told him that I loved him more,
when I was drunk, than when I was sober. It made me feel
like he thought I only really said it when I was drunk,
though I don't, I mean it always. I just hope he didnt
think about it that way. Well, I did, so that means he
probably did, damn that really, really sucks. So getting
back to where I was, we were still lying next to each
other, and I decided to have another glass. Well, I didnt
decide it, but I wanted another glass, dunno y, but he was
the pourer, so another glass it was. Things were not
looking pretty. I could barely move and time was moving
faster than before.

By now it was about 3:25a.m. I had to leave at 3:30, at the
least. Well, after we got out 'winter clothes' on, I was
still lying on his bed, barely awake, and I still dunno how
I got ready. My vision, it came in waves. I'd be here,
and then a millisecond later, I was sitting on the floor,
thats what my vision was like. So, I was still on his bed,
and he was getting ready. I think he was smoking, can't
remember, what I do remember was when he was standing there
and he looked so hot/cute/and sexy all at once, I really
wish I had that picture on paper and not just in my head.
But he kept trying to get me up, and I kept ending up lying
back down on his bed. Then he tried to get me up one last
time and I almost threw-up on his bed. That was so hard to
hold back, I definetly didnt want to puke, especially on
his bed. That was killer. Well, I laid there for awhile,
then I finally got up, and I was just standing there,
leaning on his wall, for all that I could stand up. He was
nice, he put some scented lotion on me where I had spilled
a little beer, made sure I was alright.

After all that, he made sure that his mom wasnt out
patroling their house, and we went out the door. I had
never been this drunk before, ever. It was at the point
where my footing was terribley off, and I had to walk 2.5
miles home, on the main road, without getting caught by the

We walked his long driveway, which is probably a football
field from the main road, cuz they kindof live out in the
woods. We were now standing about 12 yards from the main
road. He didnt want me to go, in the condition I was in,
but I had to, so my mom wouldn't catch me out again. I
couldn't walk that well, but atleast I could a lot better
now. He told me to walk to the pine tree and back, so that
he could make sure I was well enough to make it home. I
wasnt so he made me wait awhile longer, cuz he didnt want
me to get in trouble on the way home. It was so bad that I
sat my ass down in the cold fresh snow, and started making
snow angels, right there in the road. But he was sweet and
caring enough to get me through all of that. Glad to say,
that night no one caught me and as soon as I got home, I
jumoed into bed. Of course, 3 hours later, my dad would be
picking me up for me to visit him. (cuz my parents are

Well, no one ever found out, but yea, that was Friday night-
Saturday morning. 1sec, brb
-My mom came out of her room, she yelled at me, you know,
the usual.
So, getting back on track to where I was. That wasnt how I
wanted to spend my last day with Tommy, it was nice to an
extent, but now how I wanted it to be.
So, I told Tiff to tell him that I loved him and the
numbers to change on the address so that it would be sent
to my Grandmothers and not our house. I'll write to him
while hesin jail, and he'll write to me, shit I forgot, I
have to give him his reading glasses back, too. Damn I
really have got to go over there, but I can't, I dunno what
to do, maybe I'll talk to Tiff again and ask if she'll let
me bring them over to him, then I can really say goodbye to
him. Well, we'll see what happens. Can't wait to go on my
vacation, been rough lately, should be good for once.

-Songs(forever): (remind me of him)
I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack
My Valentine - Martina McBride
We're in Heaven - Dj Sammy (techno remix)

Our Songs:

RX Queen - Deftones
Filthy Mind - Amanda Ghost
Picture - Filter

- Bye for now, or in the words of Tiff 'ttyl, sucka'

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