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2005-03-11 22:54:41 (UTC)

Oh what a night

Today the designers came to the house to start filming and
to start tearing our living room apart. The day started
with commotion. I was never really sure i i was going to
be a part of the whole thing because they told us that
only two people could be on film along with my parents and
so i offered to stay out of it. However, my sisters kept
kelling me that the were sure i would be some part of it
because i was part of the family. So we all had to be
ready for the show at 7am this morning because that was
the time they were all goibg to show up. I never was told
what I was going to do or how I was going to be in it and
so i basically sat around while the rest of my family was
running around getting make up done and being filmed.
What really made me upset was that immediately they took
over my room. I was in my room and then some people
started coming in and putting equiptmenet everywhere. So
at the point I was sure I wasn't having any part of this
show, as if i was npt even a member of my family, but they
were taking what little space I had. It was then that i
started to pck up my belongings and told me sister i was
going to her condo for the next four days because I can't
stay in my room...literally no space was left for me to
stay there and al other rooms were also being taken over
for storage. I just felt like i wasn't a memeber of my
family, or at least a very unimportant memeber of my
family that could be brushed aside for the most
significant and important ones. Well my sister agreed. As
I was leaving, I became the slave for those involved in
the production. My sisters and parents started asking me
to do things for them. I was then forced to run around to
stores to buy things they forgot and run errands. I told
my sister that i was meeting a frend downtown for lunch
and she asked me if i'd be able to pick her up a shirt
because the cameraman told her she couldn't wear white and
that was what she was wearing. I said that was fine
because I was going to be in the area and it really
wouldn't be a big deal. That was until I told her that I
was meeting my friend at 1pm. At that point my sister
asked me if i'd be able to go before that, but the shirt
and give it to her because she's need it by 1pm. This
angered me. Now i was supposed to go downtown, buy this
shirt, come all the way home, give it to my sister, go to
my other sisters condo to get ready and go back downtown
to meet my friend. It wasn't like i had a choice,
either. before i could even say that it was alright, my
sister said "thanks Nicole!". Overall, i just felt as if
I wasn't a part of my family, wasn't able to enjoy
something that my parents deserved and ended up feeling
like a slave to those who played an important role in this
shows production.

It's funny how one thing can make you think about all the
times you never realized prove that you are less
important. I can now state so many times that I have been
pushed aside and have had my sisters in the spotlight.
Yet I never realized this until now. I didn't want to saw
abything to anyone about how i was feeling but one of my
sisters definately knew that things were not right and
that I wasn't happy. My friends are now going to be
watching this show and wondering what the hell happened to
me and wonder why I'm not in it or why I'm not even
mentioned, because i really doubt my sisters will meantion
the existence of their little sister. I heard some of the
interview that they were doing and they mentioned me once
but it was cut off by another question and it was only a
breid mention that probably wont get onto the show. I'm
so upset right now.

Another thing that happened was that after I got the shirt
for my sister, I came into the house and the door made a
loud noise, I was bombarded by people who work for the
show shushing me. okay I only need one person to tell me
to b quieter, not 10. And at that, I didn't now they were
filming, if i knew they were filming i would have been
more careful, or perhaps not even show up. Who do these
people thinking they are shushing??? I am part of the
family and as i remember, the papers that outline
everything say that all production members will resepct
family members and their home. That's nice and all but i
didn't recieve aby respect, all i saw was everyone running
around my parents and sisters and catering to them while
ignoring me. I'm really unimpressed and angry, but being
angry isn't going to do anything right now, I'm just going
to try to let it go.

I met Jess today on her break for lunch, which was fun. I
stopped by work and the new manager was there and she
asked if i was there to see her. I told her I only came
by to get something and she told me that tomorrow we have
a coffee date when she comes in. At this point i just
said "oh great" in my head. This whole thing was blown
out of porportion. I am a very uncomfrontational person
and now I am having to comfront her about all this stuff
which is not making me happy. I guess this is practice
because i'm going to have to confront problems in my
career all the time. I wont be able to help people deal
with their problems if i can't effectively deal with mine
first. It's much easier to help people come to their
decision about a certain problem but much harder for the
individual to act out on making the change so this is an
appropriate thing for me to have to do in order to get
ready for being a social worker. So although I'm not
looking forward to this, im thankful that i'm being forced
to have to do it.

Bowling tonight should be fun, however, one of my sisters
is coming so we'll have to see if i can contain myself and
let today's incident go. I don't want it to ruin my good
night and i don't want to confront her when im about to go
out and ket loose from being upset all day. I hope i can
let it all go, for today at least.

I'm going to go stop by the house right now because i
forgot some of my things that i'm going to need for
tomorrow and to see how well the house renovations are
going. I'm sure i'll have a lot more to say when i get
back because i'll probably walk into the house and be
shushed all over again and totally ingnored...again.