Hazerdouschick33

Jazzy
2005-03-11 04:18:49 (UTC)

I think i'm gonna lose it.....

My mind that is. Though, i may have never had it. Not sure.
All i do know is that it is Thrusday night and i haven't
heard a peep from Justin since Monday. I am going crazy. I
know he is ok, b/c if he wasn't, i would already know. When
something happens, the family usualy knows within 24 hours.
I guess he could possible just be busy. Or maybe they are
having a long blackout. I don't know. All i know is that i
haven't talked to him and i want to so bad. I just really
miss him. I have things i need to tell him, and i just want
to know that he is ok. I don't really have anyone else to
talk to about what goes on in my life, so i tell him about
it and i feel almost isolated when i don't talk to him.

Today was a bad day. Last night Angel, Joradn's black lab
that lives outside, was barking so loudly when i was trying
to sleep, and i did something i need to learn not to do, i
threw what was in my hand b/c i was so frusterated (i'm so
bad about that). Anyway, it just happened to be the remote
control to the tv in my room, which is my only source of
entertainment on the days when i can't leave the bed. Well,
it's a universal remote that has to be programmed, and when
i threw it the batteries came out, and it is no longer
programmed. I looked up the instructions and codes to
reprogram it, and i tried for hours today to figure it out,
and it still doesn't work. It's really getting on my
nerves. In the mornings i don't feel good enough to get
around very well, so i lay in the bed and watch tv. All
this getting up to change the channel is starting wear me
out! Ok, i know there are more difficult issues in life
than a remote, but work with me here, i'm really hacked
off! I guess maybe i should learn a lesson from this, i
need to quit throwing things. Throwing my remote and
screwing it up in no way got the dog to quit barking. So i
had to sleep in earplugs, and now my ears have hurt all
day. And i have had a horrible headache today and my eyes
are very blurry. Also my joints are back to their aching
today. My ankle is swollen and my wrists are really
hurting. It's always something! And i'm so tired of this
sore throat/headache/dizzy/swollen glands/ear pains that i
get every single night. It's like having the flu or
infection, but it comes every night and hurts so bad. It
usualy goes away in the morning, if i get enough sleep. If
not, i'll feel like that all day. Dr Branum says it's b/c
of my lupus, that it's just continuing sinus problems that
my immune system wont' heal b/c it's so screwed up! ARG!
Is'nt this disease grand.

At least dinner was good. We had a mexican feast. Taco's,
jalapeno refried beans, spanish rice, and mexican
cornbread. It was realy yummy. All that was missing was
some red fruit punch and a sopapia!!

I guess i'll head to bed. Maybe i'll get to talk to justin
tomorrow. I sure hope so. I'm missing him like crazy....




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