Autum's Leaves
2005-03-11 01:10:33 (UTC)

To Use or Not to Use?

Here I sit, munching cereal to fight off my craving for
a Camel Light, listening to great dance music. On this
cold, sunny Thursday, one girl decided to start her
weekend early.

My ex came over today when he said he would. And things
weren't bad. Play fighting over games of R-Type Final,
making a little bit of dinner and afterwards, having a
fabulous time with each other. The question, when two
people are using each other, is it still considered using
or is it the modern definition of a fuck buddy?

Trying to stay objective, I tested myself. I kissed him
first. Things didn't feel the same. It was impersonal,
there wasn't anything there, just a kiss, just more
kisses, just that tongue that makes me weak in my knees. I
knew right then that I didn't love him, I knew we'd never
be together like we were again, just like I had always
known, but why was I still kissing him? After a good half
an hour of fabulously torturous foreplay, I was stripped
down, he was fingering me until I thought I'd pass out.
I'm still a little hoarse from all the noise I made. Both
hands on me, both my hands gripping the sofa, nails raking
down the sides. I used him, and it felt great. I couldn't
stop smiling, the fabulous job he did on me helped too.
But, I was courtious. He got head, in the fabulous way I
give it, with a little extra twist (not literaly). And he
used me. So, does it really still mean we use each other?
or are we just friends with benefits?

In this writers opinion, I think we're friends. No
matter what happens, it's a matter of not loseing each
other as friends that's the real challange. So we throw
sex in every once in awhile, but the fact that we care
about each other is the really great part about it. We
talk about my interests, each other, the games we play,
and I still think, maybe we can be friends. If anyone
could ever accomplish anything, it would be me.