midnight

lost thoughts
2005-03-11 00:14:31 (UTC)

reflection

what up? notin much here. i hate mother crappin school. the
only reasons i go are for my friends and my self. urgh! i
feel so stupid there. its just annoying. im failing like
half my classes. i guess im just flustrated. i worked my
ass off in extra credit and trying to make everything a 100
last year so i could get pre-ap biology. now look i try to
do the same and im working my ass off to keep it which isnt
working because my average is a 36 now. joy! damn! this god
damn studid biology project is 19 flippin pages long that i
have to print! plus pictures! damn!!!! anyway though,
getting off school topic before i kill something. yeah, i
at least had a TSA meeting today. i have to bring my grades
up though because i want to enter some pictures in to this
state thingy. lol. garreth didnt go to the meeting though.
mr. burchett said he wasnt feeling well. so, yeah. at least
i still have that coffee house thing to look forward to. i
really dont know why im looking forward to it. im still in
shock i went to church. what the hell i was thinking i have
no clue. it wasnt as bad as i though it would be. its not
like it killed me because i still bleed. ive checked that
too. lol. but yeah, damn aaron, manda, and maggie! they
landed me a lot to think about. why do i care so much about
it i dont know. im happy without god. i feel free. i love
my life right now. it may be hell most the time but i dont
feel traped. but im confused. i didnt feel trapped when i
was at maggies church. i actually felt comfortable. it
really made me think though. i still believe god gave up on
me. but ive really been thinking. what i concluded was i
gave up on god because i felt he wasnt listening. i felt
like he had abandoned me. when i use to pray for comfort i
used to feel more alone. but was it just me? what of my
reflection. i dont see the person i was anymore. its like i
started a new life but everyone still knows me. its really
confusing. i already have a headache. lol. yeah, i guess i
just need to find myself. i know sooner or later ill
realize i need god. if i already havent. im just not sure
yet. but anyways...........new topic! im still worried
about maggie. shes been a little down lately. ok more than
a little. i just hope everything works out for her. she
deserves better. conroe high is having a talent show. thats
something i want to watch. even though no one that i know
is in it as far as i know. it will be an interesting thing
to watch. yeah, im suprised at myself. im actually worried
about my grandmother. the evil one anyway. yeah........oh,
did i meantion that saturday i might get to go to the
mall.that sould be interesting. well i g2g. stupid evil
biology project. see yaz!

*jen*

Look at me
I will never pass for a perfect bride
Or a perfect daughter
can it be
I'm not meant to play this part?
Now I see
That if I were truly
To be myself
I would break my family's heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight
Back at me?
Why is my reflection someone
I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am
Though I've tried
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside

- disney's mulan (reflection)




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